What Would I Do Without My Mum?!

In her onesie

Just a couple of wee stories that happened in the last 12 hours that made me laugh so hard I had to dedicate a blog to my mumma.

So last night during an advert break, my mum was eating a Mars bar. There was a break in noise from the TV and all I could hear from the other sofa was a grunting sucking noise. I looked over in disgust but she was completely absorbed in her Mars bar and was doing some sort of weird symmetrical eating plan. I started laughing because she was concentrating on it so much and said "mum.. could you eat that louder?!" and in an Irish accent (bearing in mind she's northern English) just said so matter of factly "well you have to take it apart!!!!".. and then because I distracted her from the melting and went, still Irishly "Ah FECK I've lost some of it under my chins!!" and then foraged for a good 3 minutes!

Being E.T whilst camping

Then this morning, I come down from bed and without even saying good morning, my mum who is dressed in reindeer slippers and a huge dressing gown I bought her for Christmas, which she calls "her suit", threw her laptop to one side and jumped up exclaiming "oh thank God you're here I need to show you something weird!!"

Deathly afraid she was going to open her suit, I stood a little bit closer to the door I had just entered in case I needed to do an immediate u-turn. Then with a face both of concern and childlike glee, she rushed to the window and peeled back the hideous net curtains she insists on having on the large floor to ceiling living room window which, if the hideous nets were taken down, gives you a view of whole garden area.

Laughing hysterically

Beckoning me over with her suit still firmly tied up, thank Christ, I went to see what the weirdness in the garden might be. Shuffling together for a closer inspection out of the tall but relatively narrow for two people standing together by it window, she pointed determinedly and said "LOOK! What does that look like to you?!?".. she had pointed at a spot about 1 inch away from the window where a bit of snow had been meting off. I knew immediately what it was. "that's cat mum".

"No!!" she said excited to tell of her vision of what the snow mystery might be, "that there is a childs footprint!! and that bit there is a giants foot print!".... "a giants footprint, mum seriously! that bit is the cats arse and that childs footprint is where the cat had gone to jump onto the fence and skidded!"

Being scared of Jamie the mini puppy

She hunched over so the window was misting up from her breath coming out her nose which was less than a millimeter away from glass now and declared "ansolutely not. That is a childs foot print and that is giants. I won't hear anymore of it. CLEARLY there are mythical creatures living in our grid end of story."

And with that she sat back down, adjusted her "suit" to be more covering and continued about her day. That was until just this second a bit of snow fell off the roof above and whizzed past the window, making a thump noise just outside it. She shook so violently with shock that her laptop shot off her knee and she yelped "FUCK ME!!!.... SHITTTY DEATH.... GRRRRRR!" she then ran to the window and closed it saying "I better shut this. They might be on the roof!" She then looked down at the mysterious snow and said.. in Irish!! "Oh my God so... it's turned into a Scream Mask now! It's got a laughing face and eyes and everything now!! Just to let you know, if they need a human sacrifice, you're it".

Seriously.. what will I do with out and her mental ways?!

My Mummy with her Mummy