Kanchanaburi: Temples, Temples and More Temples. Oh and a Full Back Tattoo..

.. which HURT. But is pretty impressive. Unfortunately though I don't like it lol. Well I sort of do because everyone else says it's amazing and I like the attention being the egotistical person I am.. but overall.. it isn't what I asked for even one little bit. It is an angry tiger with two butterflies and a cherry blossom tree.. what I asked for was a playful tiger chasing just the one butterfly up my spine with no tree but after he spent so much time free handing it on, I kind of felt obliged to just have it tattooed on anyway :-/

But apparently it is beautiful and whilst the tiger isn't chasing the butterfly and isn't playful, it is still a cool tiger. However.. the second stage of the tattooing was pretty darn horrific. It started at 2pm and ended around 12.30am after I had drank 3 buckets of gin. And the buckets isn't me exaggerating.. you should Google.. they are actual buckets. And due to buckets there was vomit. So much so the tattooing couldn't continue and I had to go back a weekend later :( Poor Ashling, Steph, Vicky and Tracy had to force me to down liters of water purely to throw it back up, and physically carried me to the tuk tuk home. Apparently says Mark, if I hadn't been there to hold the tuk tuk up it would have fallen down hehe.. I vaguely remember holding onto the side of it for dear life whilst still in a stationary position, breathing very deeply with my eyes closed to stem the flow the spew. Quite embarrassing. A lot of apologising the next day...

I am so crap I can hardly remember at all what else happened.. there was a pool incident which I witnessed from the safety of my balcony.. the more bold of the group jumped in after getting slaughtered and de-dressed poor Mark... that was the whitest arse I have seen since my own in Tunisia when it was contrasting starkly against the horrific sunburn.

The temples were pretty impressive but no where near as awesome amazing as the Bridge of the River Kwai and the history! It turns out my great uncle Raph was a Jap POW who was there helping to build it! The stories behind the bridge are so horrific though.. it's like a morbid curiousity I have, like with the Nazis. We took the train over the bridge and the scenary was stunning. I of course took over 200 pictures (no lies) of pretty much just green rice fields but the pictures simply don't do it justice! The place was fantastic.

If anyone else can think of anything that happened, please comment so I can add it to the blog!

Bangkok Baby!

Wassup hommies?! I'm so sorry I haven't been blogging as I go as promised but I genuinely haven't had 5 minutes to stop or 5 minutes on my own. So due to jungle related injuries which I will explain later, and an empty hotel room for 30 minutes, I will blog about days 1-3 of the tour :-)

So getting here was a pain in the bastard arse!! Mum cried as I left which set me off so on the train to Derby my face exploded into a swollen puffer fishes that was red with white blotcy spots.. attractive I know - I was peeling potential suitors off at this point. Then my connecting train was leaving at 10 past the hour on the other platform... I arrived at 6 minutes past the hour and it took me 20 minutes to pull my twattingly large case up the first flight of stairs - so I missed it. I had to pay another £20.00 to get to the airport which isn't so bad but still a fricking ball ache when I planned on spending that last bit of cash money on books and malteasers. Not one person offered to help me with me sack of bricks either the meanies.

Honestly though my bag is really fucking heavy. The airport man sent me to another lane to check my bag in because it was so large.. and now I am here buying soveniers and clothes I will never wear again it has gotten heavier! When I got to BKK, the taxi man meeting me didn't speak much English but he did manage to say "ooh heavy yes?" before snapping his spine in 4 places lifting the case into the boot. Haha also, we were driving along and there were all these boards up with smiling faces and numbers next to them. I asked him what they were for and he said "erections" haha - he meant elections but I sat in silence jerking with silent laughter for approximately the rest of the day.

Bangkok though... mint. I arrived at night when Koh San Road was at its livliest and I can't explain to you the varierty of smells, the colours, the amount of people from all over the world.. it was insane! And I loved it. The second I got on that road I knew Thailand was a fantastic choice for the first stop. The hotel was pretty rank to be honest but it had 4 walls, a bed and a shower which I desperately needed.. I was attracting flies and had I not had a shower I think doctors would have assumed I was the walking dead who was decaying on her feet and attempted to bury me or something.

The first morning I went down to breakfast and to check out of the room. I met this lovely woman from Scotland who told me her entire life story by the time I had finished buttering my first slice of toast. By the time I had finished spreading the jam I had found out about an abusive relationship and by the time I had finished eating both of the pieces of toast I felt like I had lived with her for my whole life and that I might marry one of her sons!

Later on I met Tracy, my fellow northern adventure room mate! She is ace - dead funny! We explored Bangkok a little bit and had our first Pad Thai's - yum fucking scrum about sums it up. We got completely drenched in hot rain then went back to the room where I sat drying under freezing air con.... enter cold and chest infection that lasted a week - I still have my cough, though it is less flemmy.. always a good thing! Less to chew... (lol at the people who just went "ewwww")

Whilst it felt like we were in Bangkok for ages, we actually weren't - we left for Kanchanaburi (further bloggage to come) on day 3. Day 2 was spent walking around he Grand Palace, Wat Po, Reclining Buddha, Wat Arun, a river trip and then finally back Koh San Road on a Tuk Tuk! Those things are MENTAL!! They drive at inconcievable for the size speeds and will literally drive over anything and anyone in their way - the near misses and probably now limping dogs were too many to count. All the places we went to were amazing and covered in gold. The reclining Buddha was MASSIVE!!! There you get to throw coins into 120 wishing pots.. so I wished 60 times for my mums health and 60 times for everyone elses :-) (and then a lil wish at the end that I will marry a blonde haired, blue eyed sex beast with a 10 inch cock who wants 4 babies and has a good heart.. might as well wish whilst I can!)

We are back to Bangkok for one day at the end of the tour before I am off to Cambodia so will get to eat some Pad Thai off the street stalls again before I go. Bangkok was truely amazing and so much fun. You guys should come see... Gemma!! Futher blogging will arrive shortly...

Team Wendy do Tunisia

I figured I would start with an explanation of Team Wendy. Our in-flight guardian angel (trolley dolly in charge) was called Wendy and the name stuck. Any time a small issue arose, we called and blamed Wendy but only in a very posh English accent. For example just before we started to taxi out, I saw a massive plume of what I guess was engine dust?? come from the engine. I turned around and went “errr.. WENDY!” in a full on panicked posh English man way. Then later I noticed Krisitina's and mines drop down tray was rickety. This would not do I said so in a posh voice I raged “WEEENNNDDDYYY!!!” From that point on it was everything from “WENDY! I need a sucky sweet!!” to “WENDY! The lights have gone off and I want a cuddle!”

And so Team Wendy was born :-) we have even blamed the sunburn and the extra strong cocktails on bloody Wendy.

I was going to do a day by day update but then figured I couldn't be arsed and too much had happened to be bore you so I will attempt a summary.

There was a man who sold smoothies but only knew how to say “Vitamins, YES lovin' it!!” - this man, without a doubt in my mind, was the most annoying man on the planet. Every 5 bastard minutes directly into your ear drum “VITAMIIIINS!” - Google Vitamin man Marhaba beach and you will find him.

I fell in love with a couple of the entertainment guys – Tito and Laska but have been told since we left, Tito was fired for drinking alcohol with the guests. Naughty boy! He was so damn fit though! Tito would come and sit on me and managed to, with the help of Gem, persuade me to learn some Arabic such as Asslema, besslema, ismi and wlad, oh and em shie and shokran. I even got my name in Arabic as a necklace :D I really like the language.

I felt up a boy in the sea called Akram who then stalked me for hours. He wouldn't leave and was staring from the other side of the railings separating the hotels beach and the sea. I didn't see him again though so good times! I tell you what though, if you are even in dire need of a husband or need a confidence boost – go to Tunisia. Every male person was blowing kisses, asking to take you out for coffee, saying “you have beautiful face”, and offering to cook fish and cous cous back at theirs. It was here I wanted to use em shie quite a bit! (means go away)

Gem buried me in the sand which was fun! We also appeared to have pissed Newton off by playing the air trombone during the music man song for the kids. We had a right laugh!! We did lots of swimming in the med, played water piggy in the middle, blew up a lilo, and I personally drank enough gin to kill an adult African elephant. The bar tender poured a normal sized thingy of gin and then put just a drop more in. I went "hoooo hooo hoo!" and at that he smiled and poured in another shot. This then became a very funny running joke between us and within 30 minutes I had downed nearly 12 shots of gin and was sufficiently wanked.. to the point where I was stroking the wall commenting on how lovely and bumbpy it felt against my palm. Gem shouted at me for going in the pool whilst pissed and then made me go and play archery!! Nice float in the pool vs being in control of a deadly pointy weapon..... Gem chose wisely hehehe.

We also went to the zoo, talking of elephants! I paid 1 dinar (50p) for the zoo keeper to go and rag the tail off a cheetah in order to get a decent picture! And we held a baby meetkat :) he was all scrawny and felt a bit like sandpaper wrapped in a hot water bottle but was cute non the less.

I also held a baby kitten! But that was at Port El Kantoi. Me and Newton rode the noddy train which was dead cool. Whilst at the port we saw this lovely big bird perched on a big wooden gate. And literally as I was getting my camera out to take a picture I said to Newton “I best this is a trap” - half of a millisecond later a man literally transformed from being a nice green bush by the side to being a pushy, arrogant Tunsian twat. “Take picture of kestral for 2 dinar 2 dinar 2 dinar!” - take a photo picture of my fist hitting your skull for free free free buddy.

I took many photos but that was of course to be expected! Over 300 were taken but also 60 were deleted because of double chin errors, large stomach failures and accidental pictures of thumbs and TV poles.

We went to see dolphins which was cool but had to pay 20 dinar in order to touch one and have a photo taken. Robbing barstewards. You were only allowed to touch the dolphin for a couple of seconds as well and had we paid to go swimming with them, we would have been left behind because the coach driver wanted to leave the second the dolphin show had finished.

The last day was spent in the sunshine doing some last minute skin cancering. We had to check out by 12pm so all of our stuff was in the baggage room – uncomfortably accessible by anyone at any time..

And because I am writing this almost a week after it all ended, and because right now I am in Bangkok, I can't actually remember anything else that happened!! I just know it was a good holiday, that the orange ice cream was sexually arousing, that given the chance I would have ruined Tito, and that there was sand. A really lot of sand. And it was hot. And there was severe burn.

Good holiday :-) I will re-update hopefully tomorrow when I have a free day all about the magnificence that is Bangkok – honestly the best place ever! Gnight folks.