Team Wendy do Tunisia

I figured I would start with an explanation of Team Wendy. Our in-flight guardian angel (trolley dolly in charge) was called Wendy and the name stuck. Any time a small issue arose, we called and blamed Wendy but only in a very posh English accent. For example just before we started to taxi out, I saw a massive plume of what I guess was engine dust?? come from the engine. I turned around and went “errr.. WENDY!” in a full on panicked posh English man way. Then later I noticed Krisitina's and mines drop down tray was rickety. This would not do I said so in a posh voice I raged “WEEENNNDDDYYY!!!” From that point on it was everything from “WENDY! I need a sucky sweet!!” to “WENDY! The lights have gone off and I want a cuddle!”

And so Team Wendy was born :-) we have even blamed the sunburn and the extra strong cocktails on bloody Wendy.

I was going to do a day by day update but then figured I couldn't be arsed and too much had happened to be bore you so I will attempt a summary.

There was a man who sold smoothies but only knew how to say “Vitamins, YES lovin' it!!” - this man, without a doubt in my mind, was the most annoying man on the planet. Every 5 bastard minutes directly into your ear drum “VITAMIIIINS!” - Google Vitamin man Marhaba beach and you will find him.

I fell in love with a couple of the entertainment guys – Tito and Laska but have been told since we left, Tito was fired for drinking alcohol with the guests. Naughty boy! He was so damn fit though! Tito would come and sit on me and managed to, with the help of Gem, persuade me to learn some Arabic such as Asslema, besslema, ismi and wlad, oh and em shie and shokran. I even got my name in Arabic as a necklace :D I really like the language.

I felt up a boy in the sea called Akram who then stalked me for hours. He wouldn't leave and was staring from the other side of the railings separating the hotels beach and the sea. I didn't see him again though so good times! I tell you what though, if you are even in dire need of a husband or need a confidence boost – go to Tunisia. Every male person was blowing kisses, asking to take you out for coffee, saying “you have beautiful face”, and offering to cook fish and cous cous back at theirs. It was here I wanted to use em shie quite a bit! (means go away)

Gem buried me in the sand which was fun! We also appeared to have pissed Newton off by playing the air trombone during the music man song for the kids. We had a right laugh!! We did lots of swimming in the med, played water piggy in the middle, blew up a lilo, and I personally drank enough gin to kill an adult African elephant. The bar tender poured a normal sized thingy of gin and then put just a drop more in. I went "hoooo hooo hoo!" and at that he smiled and poured in another shot. This then became a very funny running joke between us and within 30 minutes I had downed nearly 12 shots of gin and was sufficiently wanked.. to the point where I was stroking the wall commenting on how lovely and bumbpy it felt against my palm. Gem shouted at me for going in the pool whilst pissed and then made me go and play archery!! Nice float in the pool vs being in control of a deadly pointy weapon..... Gem chose wisely hehehe.

We also went to the zoo, talking of elephants! I paid 1 dinar (50p) for the zoo keeper to go and rag the tail off a cheetah in order to get a decent picture! And we held a baby meetkat :) he was all scrawny and felt a bit like sandpaper wrapped in a hot water bottle but was cute non the less.

I also held a baby kitten! But that was at Port El Kantoi. Me and Newton rode the noddy train which was dead cool. Whilst at the port we saw this lovely big bird perched on a big wooden gate. And literally as I was getting my camera out to take a picture I said to Newton “I best this is a trap” - half of a millisecond later a man literally transformed from being a nice green bush by the side to being a pushy, arrogant Tunsian twat. “Take picture of kestral for 2 dinar 2 dinar 2 dinar!” - take a photo picture of my fist hitting your skull for free free free buddy.

I took many photos but that was of course to be expected! Over 300 were taken but also 60 were deleted because of double chin errors, large stomach failures and accidental pictures of thumbs and TV poles.

We went to see dolphins which was cool but had to pay 20 dinar in order to touch one and have a photo taken. Robbing barstewards. You were only allowed to touch the dolphin for a couple of seconds as well and had we paid to go swimming with them, we would have been left behind because the coach driver wanted to leave the second the dolphin show had finished.

The last day was spent in the sunshine doing some last minute skin cancering. We had to check out by 12pm so all of our stuff was in the baggage room – uncomfortably accessible by anyone at any time..

And because I am writing this almost a week after it all ended, and because right now I am in Bangkok, I can't actually remember anything else that happened!! I just know it was a good holiday, that the orange ice cream was sexually arousing, that given the chance I would have ruined Tito, and that there was sand. A really lot of sand. And it was hot. And there was severe burn.

Good holiday :-) I will re-update hopefully tomorrow when I have a free day all about the magnificence that is Bangkok – honestly the best place ever! Gnight folks.