I miss you so much. And I will always miss you. Almost as much as I love you.
See you around. I love you.
Thursday 14 June 2012
Sunday 3 June 2012
Beaches, Kitchen Appliances and Going to Prison
Well aren't I just shit. I didn't post at all in March let alone once a week as is Sunday tradition (said in the Canadian Royal Wedding voice from South Park). I don't know if it was because I am so busy or simply I have become so lazy in sleepy WA - called WA not just for Western Australia but also for Wait Awhile because everything is so backwardsly slow here it's beggars belief... (what does beggars belief mean?? I might Google that later)
In a nut shell it's kind of both; I am busy all weekday's working for Thermomix and by the time the weekend rocks up, I am so lathargic from sitting around doing nothing because there is nothing to do that I have no inspiration to write. Friday I tried to get a little bit tipsy so the energetic hilarity that usually follows from a few would help but no.. I had 4 low carb beers and was actually wankered. I fell asleep at 8.30pm. I figured maybe Saturday is my day then but NO! I sat bored and uninspired thinking about shit I don't want to confront when I get home rather than put finger tips to keyboard for your amusement.
To be fair I'm not even feeling inspired right now. Right now I feel painfully full. And yet I am 100% sure I could fit in a tray of TimTams. Ladies, gents and the ball of hair under Tim's bed.. I am gaining weight at the same speed it takes NASA to secretly fire a nuclear weapon at Comet Elenin (we know you did it guys!!! I saw it on YouTube!!) With no gym and seemingly uncontrollable portions of everything, my clothes are getting well tight. Of course it is all in my stomach region and double chin. I've toyed with the idea of good ol' Atkins again but it's too bloody hard when you don't have your own kitchen or infinite space in the freezer. I just don't know what to do! My current eating schedule has turned into this...
5.30am - two pieces of jam on toast with orange juice
8am - a cereal bar and a cup of tea
10am - a bowl of porridge with a banana
11am - a handful of dates
12pm - frozen mixed berries with yoghurt.. a lot of yoghurt..
1pm - a cuppa soup
3pm - a pear and a cup of tea
6pm - a HUGE portion of something like rice and fajitas, or mash and a pie
7pm - most likely something coated in chocolate. Even more likley TimTams which, for people back home, is like eating an entire packet of Penguins.
I'm getting huge!!!! Sigh..... :( tears.
But anyway.. Thermomix. Everyone in the entire world should own one of these and I 100% intend on getting one when I own my own kitchen in an actual own house. It is THE bizniss. It boils, slow cooks, steams, mills, grinds, beats, whips, pounds, slices, dices, cubes... it even makes bath bombs and playdoh!!! Gordon Ramsey has one and I think Jamie Oliver has two. It makes a risotto from scratch in 17 minutes when it should normally take 50 minutes with constant stirring.
I don't get to play with it though.. Instead I get to process credit applications... yaaaay..... The people are brilliant through and I think they like me. I got that impression from Tam almost begging me to stay until the very last day in Perth. It gives me no time to explore WA properly but when it costs $350 to swim with whale sharks and will cost around $400 to get there anyway.. it's probably best I'm not available to be tempted.
I have done some sightseeing though!! I did a massive bike ride down to Fremantle which was absolutely wonderful. The coast partically between Cottesloe and Fremantle port is absolutely stunning with ocean the colours I had only seen on Rottnest - oh and I've been to Rottnest!!! Absolutely amazing it was. GOD it's so gorgeous - I'm going to Cotts again tomorrow (I go once a weekend at least) because it's the only part of the Perth coast that I feel safe to swim in.. where I won't get attacked by a huge shoal of fish or ripped under by a massive massive wave.
That's happened a few times now. The first one though I just don't understand what was wrong with my body. I was stood there waist deep in the ocean when I saw and heard this MASSIVE roaring wave coming towards me. Everything inside me was screaming DIVE UNDER DIVE QUICK NOW NOW DIVE!!! but for some reason I just stood there, very straight suddenly finding excellent posture, lifted my arm out almost Nazi like and verrrryy slowly brought my hand to my face, pinched my nose and took a deep breath.
I of course was smashed full force by an 8 foot wall of water, knocked immediately onto my back like a heavy piece of wood and dragged along the ocean floor (or coral carpet) until I was washed back up onto the shore. The force of the hit dragged my hand away from my face and my thumb nail had sliced a massive gash down from my nose to my lips. I looked like a scabby freak for weeks.. foundation on scabs is not pretty by the way - little makeup tip for you there.
On Rottnest Island I cycled for miles and miles and miles. It took me 5 hours to cycle the entire island and it was definitely worth it. Not for my arse though. No. No that really hurt for a few days and when I had to take the bike back, I actually yelped in pain when my arse cheeks settled onto the seat which would only have been mildly more painful had the seat also been in flames and made from broken glass.
Fremantle I have visited twice - once for ANZAC day (now craving ANZAC biscuits.. what is wrong with me?!) and once to go to Fremantle Prison. The prison was AWESOME!!! I don't like to use that word to often because it is over used and I struggle now to come up with a word to really express my enthusiasm for something so please when I tell you it was AWESOME, I mean it truely was ground breakingly epic.
The prison has really only recently stopped being a prison and the last person to be hanged there was not that long along. I did a night time tour to make it extra creepy and by joe! (another phrase to Google.. where does that come from?!) it was good and creepy!! It started off in the waiting room for new prisoners where we were told how prisoners were degraded beyond human rights law and how paedophiles and really terrible prisoners were kept in a glass cage I happened to be leaning on. The blokey was telling a really good story that was filled with suspense and everyone was standing silently still holding their breath as he went on to provide this dramatic pause.. when an English girl completely shattered the tension by going "err excuse me....?"
EVERYONE looked to this girl in complete disgust for breaking a truely academy award winning mid story tension, glaring at her very impatiently waiting for an equally outstandingly good explanation for her interuption when she oh so Englishly said "I'm really sorry to interupt but..." and she holds out her little souvenire torch we were all given to find our way around the dark prison, ".. my torch is on fire".
And true enough her torch wasn't just a little bit on fire but it was actually ablaze!! And the poor love had been stood there holding her little ball of flame for a good few minutes waiting for an appropriate time to bring it up! The bloke very nonchallently walked over and took it from saying "oh right yeah, that happens". That was pleasantly alarming.
In the cell block the blokey talked about why there were massive nets seperating each floor so that prisoners who tried to kill themselves or were being murdered could not fall onto the concrete from the top floors.. it was at that point some TWAT on the top floor SCREAMED in horror and threw a bastard dummy prisoner onto the nets.. which was DIRECTLY above my head. I have no shame in confirming I screamed like a girl and shouted "FUCK ME YA BASTARD!!" whilst clutching myself in a one legged self protective ball.. much to everyone elses amusement.
I got my own back on at least one little old lady on the tour though because as we were in solitary confinement block, where the prisoners were held for 23 hours a day (or 2 hours if you were to be executed that day), the man told another good story and left us in some suspenders when this scary as fudge looking goth litereally BURST out of one of the cells and smacked into an old woman. I wish you could of been there so you could really understand how funny this was but the little old lady's feet left the ground, air walked for a few seconds whilst her torso twisted around to her husband and in slow mo, in the highest pitch voice ever she screamed "SHIVERS!!". Of all the words at the exact moment to use, she said shivers. I had to cross my legs and lean against cell number 17 to stop myself weeing.
Next we were taken into the gallows and right there at almost touch distance was the noose and trap door that killed 44 people. You could still see the scuff marks on the trap door.. it was really weird being in that room because it felt full or heavy even though the doors were open and it was cold outside with a good amount of wind blowing. The noose didn't even sway.. everything was just still and compressing.
But the feeling in there was nothing to the feeling in the morgue. I am 100% telling the truth when I say that morgue still stank of dead people. The smell was horrible, suffocating and it really made you feel like when you're have a dream about running away but get stuck in tar. There were no scary pranks pulled in there or the gallows which I feel was a good call - people died there.. it wouldn't have been respectful.. no matter what those people did to deserve being executed.
But yeah! Brilliant tour and I would most certainly do it again! Phil hasn't been yet so I would definitely go do it with him again if he wants to go..Phil if you are reading this!
In addition, I have also booked and paid for nearly everything for the next 3 months! I just have my bungee jump/sky dive to pay for, my Franz Josef glaciar hike and my flight to Cairns to go. It's been a hellishly expensive three months trip to plan but I am sure it will be worth it.
I can't think of anymore news because all I can think about now is my TimTams so I'm going to go get those!! I could do with a few extra pounds..
Happy June everybody!
In a nut shell it's kind of both; I am busy all weekday's working for Thermomix and by the time the weekend rocks up, I am so lathargic from sitting around doing nothing because there is nothing to do that I have no inspiration to write. Friday I tried to get a little bit tipsy so the energetic hilarity that usually follows from a few would help but no.. I had 4 low carb beers and was actually wankered. I fell asleep at 8.30pm. I figured maybe Saturday is my day then but NO! I sat bored and uninspired thinking about shit I don't want to confront when I get home rather than put finger tips to keyboard for your amusement.
To be fair I'm not even feeling inspired right now. Right now I feel painfully full. And yet I am 100% sure I could fit in a tray of TimTams. Ladies, gents and the ball of hair under Tim's bed.. I am gaining weight at the same speed it takes NASA to secretly fire a nuclear weapon at Comet Elenin (we know you did it guys!!! I saw it on YouTube!!) With no gym and seemingly uncontrollable portions of everything, my clothes are getting well tight. Of course it is all in my stomach region and double chin. I've toyed with the idea of good ol' Atkins again but it's too bloody hard when you don't have your own kitchen or infinite space in the freezer. I just don't know what to do! My current eating schedule has turned into this...
5.30am - two pieces of jam on toast with orange juice
8am - a cereal bar and a cup of tea
10am - a bowl of porridge with a banana
11am - a handful of dates
12pm - frozen mixed berries with yoghurt.. a lot of yoghurt..
1pm - a cuppa soup
3pm - a pear and a cup of tea
6pm - a HUGE portion of something like rice and fajitas, or mash and a pie
7pm - most likely something coated in chocolate. Even more likley TimTams which, for people back home, is like eating an entire packet of Penguins.
I'm getting huge!!!! Sigh..... :( tears.
But anyway.. Thermomix. Everyone in the entire world should own one of these and I 100% intend on getting one when I own my own kitchen in an actual own house. It is THE bizniss. It boils, slow cooks, steams, mills, grinds, beats, whips, pounds, slices, dices, cubes... it even makes bath bombs and playdoh!!! Gordon Ramsey has one and I think Jamie Oliver has two. It makes a risotto from scratch in 17 minutes when it should normally take 50 minutes with constant stirring.
I don't get to play with it though.. Instead I get to process credit applications... yaaaay..... The people are brilliant through and I think they like me. I got that impression from Tam almost begging me to stay until the very last day in Perth. It gives me no time to explore WA properly but when it costs $350 to swim with whale sharks and will cost around $400 to get there anyway.. it's probably best I'm not available to be tempted.
I have done some sightseeing though!! I did a massive bike ride down to Fremantle which was absolutely wonderful. The coast partically between Cottesloe and Fremantle port is absolutely stunning with ocean the colours I had only seen on Rottnest - oh and I've been to Rottnest!!! Absolutely amazing it was. GOD it's so gorgeous - I'm going to Cotts again tomorrow (I go once a weekend at least) because it's the only part of the Perth coast that I feel safe to swim in.. where I won't get attacked by a huge shoal of fish or ripped under by a massive massive wave.
That's happened a few times now. The first one though I just don't understand what was wrong with my body. I was stood there waist deep in the ocean when I saw and heard this MASSIVE roaring wave coming towards me. Everything inside me was screaming DIVE UNDER DIVE QUICK NOW NOW DIVE!!! but for some reason I just stood there, very straight suddenly finding excellent posture, lifted my arm out almost Nazi like and verrrryy slowly brought my hand to my face, pinched my nose and took a deep breath.
I of course was smashed full force by an 8 foot wall of water, knocked immediately onto my back like a heavy piece of wood and dragged along the ocean floor (or coral carpet) until I was washed back up onto the shore. The force of the hit dragged my hand away from my face and my thumb nail had sliced a massive gash down from my nose to my lips. I looked like a scabby freak for weeks.. foundation on scabs is not pretty by the way - little makeup tip for you there.
On Rottnest Island I cycled for miles and miles and miles. It took me 5 hours to cycle the entire island and it was definitely worth it. Not for my arse though. No. No that really hurt for a few days and when I had to take the bike back, I actually yelped in pain when my arse cheeks settled onto the seat which would only have been mildly more painful had the seat also been in flames and made from broken glass.
Fremantle I have visited twice - once for ANZAC day (now craving ANZAC biscuits.. what is wrong with me?!) and once to go to Fremantle Prison. The prison was AWESOME!!! I don't like to use that word to often because it is over used and I struggle now to come up with a word to really express my enthusiasm for something so please when I tell you it was AWESOME, I mean it truely was ground breakingly epic.
The prison has really only recently stopped being a prison and the last person to be hanged there was not that long along. I did a night time tour to make it extra creepy and by joe! (another phrase to Google.. where does that come from?!) it was good and creepy!! It started off in the waiting room for new prisoners where we were told how prisoners were degraded beyond human rights law and how paedophiles and really terrible prisoners were kept in a glass cage I happened to be leaning on. The blokey was telling a really good story that was filled with suspense and everyone was standing silently still holding their breath as he went on to provide this dramatic pause.. when an English girl completely shattered the tension by going "err excuse me....?"
EVERYONE looked to this girl in complete disgust for breaking a truely academy award winning mid story tension, glaring at her very impatiently waiting for an equally outstandingly good explanation for her interuption when she oh so Englishly said "I'm really sorry to interupt but..." and she holds out her little souvenire torch we were all given to find our way around the dark prison, ".. my torch is on fire".
And true enough her torch wasn't just a little bit on fire but it was actually ablaze!! And the poor love had been stood there holding her little ball of flame for a good few minutes waiting for an appropriate time to bring it up! The bloke very nonchallently walked over and took it from saying "oh right yeah, that happens". That was pleasantly alarming.
In the cell block the blokey talked about why there were massive nets seperating each floor so that prisoners who tried to kill themselves or were being murdered could not fall onto the concrete from the top floors.. it was at that point some TWAT on the top floor SCREAMED in horror and threw a bastard dummy prisoner onto the nets.. which was DIRECTLY above my head. I have no shame in confirming I screamed like a girl and shouted "FUCK ME YA BASTARD!!" whilst clutching myself in a one legged self protective ball.. much to everyone elses amusement.
I got my own back on at least one little old lady on the tour though because as we were in solitary confinement block, where the prisoners were held for 23 hours a day (or 2 hours if you were to be executed that day), the man told another good story and left us in some suspenders when this scary as fudge looking goth litereally BURST out of one of the cells and smacked into an old woman. I wish you could of been there so you could really understand how funny this was but the little old lady's feet left the ground, air walked for a few seconds whilst her torso twisted around to her husband and in slow mo, in the highest pitch voice ever she screamed "SHIVERS!!". Of all the words at the exact moment to use, she said shivers. I had to cross my legs and lean against cell number 17 to stop myself weeing.
Next we were taken into the gallows and right there at almost touch distance was the noose and trap door that killed 44 people. You could still see the scuff marks on the trap door.. it was really weird being in that room because it felt full or heavy even though the doors were open and it was cold outside with a good amount of wind blowing. The noose didn't even sway.. everything was just still and compressing.
But the feeling in there was nothing to the feeling in the morgue. I am 100% telling the truth when I say that morgue still stank of dead people. The smell was horrible, suffocating and it really made you feel like when you're have a dream about running away but get stuck in tar. There were no scary pranks pulled in there or the gallows which I feel was a good call - people died there.. it wouldn't have been respectful.. no matter what those people did to deserve being executed.
But yeah! Brilliant tour and I would most certainly do it again! Phil hasn't been yet so I would definitely go do it with him again if he wants to go..Phil if you are reading this!
In addition, I have also booked and paid for nearly everything for the next 3 months! I just have my bungee jump/sky dive to pay for, my Franz Josef glaciar hike and my flight to Cairns to go. It's been a hellishly expensive three months trip to plan but I am sure it will be worth it.
I can't think of anymore news because all I can think about now is my TimTams so I'm going to go get those!! I could do with a few extra pounds..
Happy June everybody!
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