11pm: Sarah 'Bear' Rowlands Sarah 'Bear' Rowlands: Sarah 'Bear' Rowlands: Sarah 'Bear' Rowlands:she is currently now on the phone to the 2nd guy begging him to not come over now she has realised her mistake...
3.33am: she has now told 2nd guy the truth and pleading with him to not think she is a slapper... apparently he is coming over for a really fast 5 minutes shag...
3.35am: 2nd guy has arrived... 1st guy will be here in like 7 minutes time!!! oooooh the tension!!!
3.42am: 1st guy is HERE!!!! MID SHAG OF THE 2ND GUY!!! oooooooooooh horror...
3.44am: she has just buzzed the 1st guy up as she tells the 2nd guy "he's a rubbish shag but you.." - restarts shag!!! the 1st bloke is at the fucking door!!!
3.47am: 1st guy still waiting at the door..... shag still going on. I am very unhappy I can actually hear all this :(
3.50am: 1st guy is ringing the mobile again... she is letting him in now. 2nd guy being rushed out!
3.51am: 1st guy said hello to the 2nd guy. 1st guy then says "oh great so one guy in one guy out?" ... she is now leading him to the bedroom...
3.54am: she is now shouting very loudly "im not a slut, im a cougar!"
3.57am: 3rd shag of the night commences... Thank goodness this is my last night here!
3.59am: mid shag break to bitch about his current girlfriend who appears to be a mutual friend of housemate....
4.02am: housemate for the 5th time now has mentioned "I have a new bed!".. 1st guy is getting the hint and moving out of the kitchen towards the bed... remind me not to eat my cocopops in the kitchen tomorrow
4.26am: have rummaged through packed suitcase and found ear plugs. Thank the fridging Lord. Good night!!!!
Saturday 18 June 2011
Friday 17 June 2011
Last Day at Work
And I am blogging!! I have managed to do a solitary audit, I've had my exit interview which scared the new HR lady.. probably said a bit too much and have put her off :-/ woops. Someone let me know if she comes back in on Monday!
I have bought, cooked and provided MUCH food. But it is going down really well and most has gone in the lunch hour rush. I am majorly full up from drinking the pop and eating the cool flavoured crisps that have been oh so convieniently put next to me. The food takes over 2 desks. At least everyone is happy with the selection ;-) I bought carrots just for Traff but because he is stuck downstairs and everyone is convinced eating 7000 carrots is healthier than one cake, he might be out of luck by the time he gets up here.
You will be pleased to hear I am no longer Nigerian!!! I am now a pleasant, soft skinned Italian - much preferrable.
O'Neills tonight and then the Loosely I thinks. We are going to pick up Lloydatron in 30-ish minutes. Me and Tim have stopped all work in excitment!!
Next blog will most likely to be with you after my holiday in Tunisia and before the big day of leaving so goodbye for now, thank you everyone at work for the nice things you have said, sorry HR lady for making you rethink a career with Acenden and catch you soon!!
I have bought, cooked and provided MUCH food. But it is going down really well and most has gone in the lunch hour rush. I am majorly full up from drinking the pop and eating the cool flavoured crisps that have been oh so convieniently put next to me. The food takes over 2 desks. At least everyone is happy with the selection ;-) I bought carrots just for Traff but because he is stuck downstairs and everyone is convinced eating 7000 carrots is healthier than one cake, he might be out of luck by the time he gets up here.
You will be pleased to hear I am no longer Nigerian!!! I am now a pleasant, soft skinned Italian - much preferrable.
O'Neills tonight and then the Loosely I thinks. We are going to pick up Lloydatron in 30-ish minutes. Me and Tim have stopped all work in excitment!!
Next blog will most likely to be with you after my holiday in Tunisia and before the big day of leaving so goodbye for now, thank you everyone at work for the nice things you have said, sorry HR lady for making you rethink a career with Acenden and catch you soon!!
Thursday 16 June 2011
Blacking up
Look up "Chocolate Rain" because it not only goes with the blog but it is also so stuck in my head I've been singing it for hours.
So today I went to get a spray tan. It seemed a bargain at £15 each for myself and Kristina and seemed a good idea at the time to get it done the night before the big leaving work evening. I was wrong.
The summary of events goes as follows: Kristina was taken into a room for around 20 minutes. She came out looking like someone else because she had taken off her makeup and was a nice golden brown! She tells me the lady who did the spray tan asked her what colour she would like to go and on hearing "not orange, anything but orange", the decision was made to go with chocolate brown.
I was not given this option people. I was not asked "would you like to be a bit browner, golden or Nigerian" - I was just sprayed Nigerian.
It was the weirdest situation ever really. I was asked to strip and go and stand on the other side of the room in the spray booth which seemed a thousand miles away from the door and also on a platform so it was like a stage really! I was all fidgety and trying to hide my bareness with my arms but also wanting to appear all relaxed and normal. I pretended to have something in my eye purely so I could lift up my right arm thus covering at least the right boob from show.
And in saunters a woman who does a superb job of not vomiting on the spot when she saw my stomach or doing that "I can't help but look so I will try and do it shiftily" glance down at the ladies. Her will power impressed me.
As I stood on my stage of nakedness waiting for the questions about what colour I would like to go, I watched her fill up the sprayer whilst she talked merrily away about holidays. I was not listening to a single word she said because my attention was transfixed on what she was putting in the spray machine. It was at this point my head was literally screaming "tell her she is filling the machine with tar Bear... Quickly now seriously she is pointing the nozzle at you and it's filled with something black... no.. no Sarah don't turn around so she can start spraying your back, TELL HER THERE IS BLACK INK IN THE --" pssssssssshhhhhhhhtttttt.... "nice one Rowlands. Too late now".
THEN I did the most stupid thing after she finished.. I asked her when it would be ok to epilate my legs and she said "oh in that case you need another layer if you want to epilate". Brain dials the mouth but only receives the answer machine.. and leaves quite an abusive message - "don't fucking let her spray you again twat head!!! think of the Ross off FRIENDS episode!! No DON'T!!! - pssssssssssssssshhttttt.
I figure it can't be too bad because people get them done all the time. But when people started to stare, children started to cry, and people who were getting there hair done nudged each other and said "didn't that girl used to be white?" I figured I may have made an error. It might be paranoia but I am pretty sure people were shocked when I spoke with a northern accent as apposed to one you would associate with someone from Trinidad.
Oh well I guess. Better to be confused as someone from Afro-caribean decent than Welsh.
So today I went to get a spray tan. It seemed a bargain at £15 each for myself and Kristina and seemed a good idea at the time to get it done the night before the big leaving work evening. I was wrong.
The summary of events goes as follows: Kristina was taken into a room for around 20 minutes. She came out looking like someone else because she had taken off her makeup and was a nice golden brown! She tells me the lady who did the spray tan asked her what colour she would like to go and on hearing "not orange, anything but orange", the decision was made to go with chocolate brown.
I was not given this option people. I was not asked "would you like to be a bit browner, golden or Nigerian" - I was just sprayed Nigerian.
It was the weirdest situation ever really. I was asked to strip and go and stand on the other side of the room in the spray booth which seemed a thousand miles away from the door and also on a platform so it was like a stage really! I was all fidgety and trying to hide my bareness with my arms but also wanting to appear all relaxed and normal. I pretended to have something in my eye purely so I could lift up my right arm thus covering at least the right boob from show.
And in saunters a woman who does a superb job of not vomiting on the spot when she saw my stomach or doing that "I can't help but look so I will try and do it shiftily" glance down at the ladies. Her will power impressed me.
As I stood on my stage of nakedness waiting for the questions about what colour I would like to go, I watched her fill up the sprayer whilst she talked merrily away about holidays. I was not listening to a single word she said because my attention was transfixed on what she was putting in the spray machine. It was at this point my head was literally screaming "tell her she is filling the machine with tar Bear... Quickly now seriously she is pointing the nozzle at you and it's filled with something black... no.. no Sarah don't turn around so she can start spraying your back, TELL HER THERE IS BLACK INK IN THE --" pssssssssshhhhhhhhtttttt.... "nice one Rowlands. Too late now".
THEN I did the most stupid thing after she finished.. I asked her when it would be ok to epilate my legs and she said "oh in that case you need another layer if you want to epilate". Brain dials the mouth but only receives the answer machine.. and leaves quite an abusive message - "don't fucking let her spray you again twat head!!! think of the Ross off FRIENDS episode!! No DON'T!!! - pssssssssssssssshhttttt.
I figure it can't be too bad because people get them done all the time. But when people started to stare, children started to cry, and people who were getting there hair done nudged each other and said "didn't that girl used to be white?" I figured I may have made an error. It might be paranoia but I am pretty sure people were shocked when I spoke with a northern accent as apposed to one you would associate with someone from Trinidad.
Oh well I guess. Better to be confused as someone from Afro-caribean decent than Welsh.
Sunday 12 June 2011
Whilst the Race is Red Flagged..
.. I thought I would take a minute (as I discussed with Mr Lewis) to congratulate myself lol.
What I mean is I'm just SO proud of myself that I have managed to achieve my dream. Since I split up with Daniel my goal has been to go travelling. Other ideas have of course surfaced since we split.. has been 3 years now.. like houses, babies, RAF and university again. But one thing always came with me and always seemed to make my heart pound more. The thought of never seeing the world carefreely was too much to bear.
I have never worked so hard for something than I have for this and when people say to me "God you're so lucky", I want to shake them and say "it wasn't luck mate! I didn't win the lottery or a prize! I worked really fucking hard to clear my debt. I lived in a horrid, horrid house with druggies, mold, mice and slugs in order to save an extra £50 a month. This isn't luck, this is pure fucking achievement."
So here is to me. To Sarah Bear Elizabeth Princess Rowlandez for achieving your own goals and physically living the dream.
P.S... thank you too to everyone who got me here (and for suggesting the coin :-P) xx
What I mean is I'm just SO proud of myself that I have managed to achieve my dream. Since I split up with Daniel my goal has been to go travelling. Other ideas have of course surfaced since we split.. has been 3 years now.. like houses, babies, RAF and university again. But one thing always came with me and always seemed to make my heart pound more. The thought of never seeing the world carefreely was too much to bear.
I have never worked so hard for something than I have for this and when people say to me "God you're so lucky", I want to shake them and say "it wasn't luck mate! I didn't win the lottery or a prize! I worked really fucking hard to clear my debt. I lived in a horrid, horrid house with druggies, mold, mice and slugs in order to save an extra £50 a month. This isn't luck, this is pure fucking achievement."
So here is to me. To Sarah Bear Elizabeth Princess Rowlandez for achieving your own goals and physically living the dream.
P.S... thank you too to everyone who got me here (and for suggesting the coin :-P) xx
Saturday 11 June 2011
The Last Sunday
Sup. It's late Saturday night.. a few minutes to 12am. As soon as 12am hits it will be Sunday.. be last one in the UK for at least 2 years. I feel like I should have a traditional roast or do something Sunday ish! The most Sunday thing I will be doing tomorrow is watching the F1 in Canada but even that isn't traditional because it is on at 5pm..not the usual 12.15pm. So it will mean I can't go to the traditional Shoulder of Mutton either.
But maybe that is a good thing.. It's not like I will never be back or never have a Sunday dinner again is it!!
Today's blog is going to be a boring blog btw.. I can't think of what to write because I am distracted by the TV - I'm watching 16 and Pregnant.. all my friends are having babies :( I am unbearably jealous. I would love to have a baby.. wish at least just one of the three I managed to make had made it. One day ey. One day.
I bought some sexy new jeans today - I traded in all my coins I had saved which came to £32 and seen as every single store except for Next only had skinny jeans, I spent the £30 in some new petite jeans that actually fit.
I text Craig today. He didn't reply. Think I just need a hug to be honest. I really shouldn't have access to my phone or laptop when it's late and I'm tired.
Oh fucks sake I can't stop thinking about Craig and babies. I'm going to go - I'll write a better blog tomorrow when I'm less.. bleh.
Hey... it's 12am. Last Sunday is here. See ya.
But maybe that is a good thing.. It's not like I will never be back or never have a Sunday dinner again is it!!
Today's blog is going to be a boring blog btw.. I can't think of what to write because I am distracted by the TV - I'm watching 16 and Pregnant.. all my friends are having babies :( I am unbearably jealous. I would love to have a baby.. wish at least just one of the three I managed to make had made it. One day ey. One day.
I bought some sexy new jeans today - I traded in all my coins I had saved which came to £32 and seen as every single store except for Next only had skinny jeans, I spent the £30 in some new petite jeans that actually fit.
I text Craig today. He didn't reply. Think I just need a hug to be honest. I really shouldn't have access to my phone or laptop when it's late and I'm tired.
Oh fucks sake I can't stop thinking about Craig and babies. I'm going to go - I'll write a better blog tomorrow when I'm less.. bleh.
Hey... it's 12am. Last Sunday is here. See ya.
Tuesday 7 June 2011
Sunday 5 June 2011
15 hours of Saturday
Bonjourno Deano! (Love the Fosters adverts - "you're good at painting!" "thanks mate!") hehe. How do?
I am currently sitting on my mattress on the floor attempting to plan the Australia leg of the travelling. But let me update you on yesterday via a time line:
6am - I woke up in a semi dream state and believed my alarm is actually animal noises coming from a game I was playing at the zoo! It was going off every 5 minutes and in my dream I thought I was pressing a big buzzer to stop the noise and shout out what the noise was from. I eventually woke up properly at 6.35 shouting "RHINO!".
6.45am - I managed to roll into the shower, scratching my head wondering why my alarm would sound even remotely like a rhino.. what does a rhino even sound like?!
7am - Started to dismantle the bed. I figured out half way through that I had packed the alen key. Much rage as I went through every box to find it. Thank crunchie I didn't sellotape the box lids down!
7.35am - Fay the life saver moves the van up to the top for me. I go and wake up a very cold filled Timothy to help move the pieces of bed out.
8.30am - Newton arrives looking very poorly. Me and Tim like a team of super human van packers load the van in less than 5 minutes! GO TEAM!!
9am - and we are off to Reading to pick up a parcel. We of course got lost because the satnav took us through Wycome twice. We finally go to Reading and left around 10.15am. I was beginning to proper panic we might not have the van back in time for 5.30pm :-/ We also discovered at this point that my giant cactus, Flavours, had taken a turn for the worse.. he had fallen down. No arms were snapped off which was a mircale!! But the roots had been pulled up and there was soil everywhere. Upsetting :(
10.15am - Silverstone!! How cool!
11.15am - we went past Silverstone again. HOW?!?!?! How did this happen?!?! We were following the satnav and it took us in ANOTHER major circle. Then satnav died. Hell broke lose. I made an emergency subscription to Orange satnav but my phone was only half charged.
1.30pm - we FINALLY made it to mums! Kev and Stu unloaded the van for us which was pleasant. I like standing around having slaves do things for me. Kev attempted to get into my safe (PLEASE remember mum to just throw it/burn it if I should die) but couldn't mwhahaha. He pleaded with me for the TV and apparently after I left he went through all my boxes. How I love privacy....
2.05pm - we took a slight detour to Aldi where Newton asked if they would accept cards. She had never been in an Aldi before and I'm pretty sure if I hadn't been there to guide her she wouldn't have gone in because she didn't have her passport and some Deutshmarc. We bought pink lemoade, some fruit drops, a packet of licorice allsorts and diet orangeade.. for £2.98!!! FREE!!
2.13pm - my battery goes. Panic sets it. We no longer have access to any road guidance, no way of telling Tim where we are or when to pick us up, no way of telling the van hire company we may be late, and no way of figuring out how to get to the van hire place itself. My advice to Newton was just go south. Keep south and something will show up!!
3.30pm - we see a Only Fools and Horses replica car being towed. Epic!
4.55pm - we hit Thame - yaayy!!! But now ooooh.. where is the van hire place?? Newton asked a man who I immediately fell in love with. He had an odd Irish-Ameican accent, had blue eyes and blonde hair, was wearing a khaki green tshirt and riding a bike. He was all trim and muscley in the right places. I would have been happier if he had directed me to his bedroom as opposed to the garage. I'd of paid the late fees to get on him. Rarrrr.
5.17pm - call to Tim from the petrol station. I filled the van back up whilst Newton showed cleavage in order to make a free phone call to him. Well played, well played.
5.28pm - with SECONDS to spare the van was put back in. We meet another FIT as fuck bloke. Serious consideration is now being put into moving to Thame. Tim picks us up after a prolonged wait and a good bitch about other Thame dwellers - it was about 25 degrees and people were walking around in Ugg boots and black coats and scalfs.. why?!?
8pm - after a shower and sorting out the mattress on the floor, me and Newton went for an indian at Chutneys. We practically snorted lines of popodom such was the need to eat them, mixed with a line of mango chutney. If I had had a syringe I would probably have injected some of mint yoghurt into a vein too.
8.35pm - the meal is served. With a pubic hair on my plate. Unhappy face appears. Pubic hair plate disappears. New non curlys plate arrives. Happy face returns.
9pm - we ordered desert. I asked for chocolate moouse expecting a nice fluffy chocolatey treat. The waiter couldn't say moouse so he confirmed my order to be a chocolate mouse. I said ok.. see what happens.
9.05pm - chocolate ice cream arrives. Whilst I was relived it wasn't a chocolate dipped rodent, it also wasn't what I had ordered so there was a mixture of emotions here.
9.30pm- off home where I collapsed. Long day.
I am currently sitting on my mattress on the floor attempting to plan the Australia leg of the travelling. But let me update you on yesterday via a time line:
6am - I woke up in a semi dream state and believed my alarm is actually animal noises coming from a game I was playing at the zoo! It was going off every 5 minutes and in my dream I thought I was pressing a big buzzer to stop the noise and shout out what the noise was from. I eventually woke up properly at 6.35 shouting "RHINO!".
6.45am - I managed to roll into the shower, scratching my head wondering why my alarm would sound even remotely like a rhino.. what does a rhino even sound like?!
7am - Started to dismantle the bed. I figured out half way through that I had packed the alen key. Much rage as I went through every box to find it. Thank crunchie I didn't sellotape the box lids down!
7.35am - Fay the life saver moves the van up to the top for me. I go and wake up a very cold filled Timothy to help move the pieces of bed out.
8.30am - Newton arrives looking very poorly. Me and Tim like a team of super human van packers load the van in less than 5 minutes! GO TEAM!!
9am - and we are off to Reading to pick up a parcel. We of course got lost because the satnav took us through Wycome twice. We finally go to Reading and left around 10.15am. I was beginning to proper panic we might not have the van back in time for 5.30pm :-/ We also discovered at this point that my giant cactus, Flavours, had taken a turn for the worse.. he had fallen down. No arms were snapped off which was a mircale!! But the roots had been pulled up and there was soil everywhere. Upsetting :(
10.15am - Silverstone!! How cool!
11.15am - we went past Silverstone again. HOW?!?!?! How did this happen?!?! We were following the satnav and it took us in ANOTHER major circle. Then satnav died. Hell broke lose. I made an emergency subscription to Orange satnav but my phone was only half charged.
1.30pm - we FINALLY made it to mums! Kev and Stu unloaded the van for us which was pleasant. I like standing around having slaves do things for me. Kev attempted to get into my safe (PLEASE remember mum to just throw it/burn it if I should die) but couldn't mwhahaha. He pleaded with me for the TV and apparently after I left he went through all my boxes. How I love privacy....
2.05pm - we took a slight detour to Aldi where Newton asked if they would accept cards. She had never been in an Aldi before and I'm pretty sure if I hadn't been there to guide her she wouldn't have gone in because she didn't have her passport and some Deutshmarc. We bought pink lemoade, some fruit drops, a packet of licorice allsorts and diet orangeade.. for £2.98!!! FREE!!
2.13pm - my battery goes. Panic sets it. We no longer have access to any road guidance, no way of telling Tim where we are or when to pick us up, no way of telling the van hire company we may be late, and no way of figuring out how to get to the van hire place itself. My advice to Newton was just go south. Keep south and something will show up!!
3.30pm - we see a Only Fools and Horses replica car being towed. Epic!
4.55pm - we hit Thame - yaayy!!! But now ooooh.. where is the van hire place?? Newton asked a man who I immediately fell in love with. He had an odd Irish-Ameican accent, had blue eyes and blonde hair, was wearing a khaki green tshirt and riding a bike. He was all trim and muscley in the right places. I would have been happier if he had directed me to his bedroom as opposed to the garage. I'd of paid the late fees to get on him. Rarrrr.
5.17pm - call to Tim from the petrol station. I filled the van back up whilst Newton showed cleavage in order to make a free phone call to him. Well played, well played.
5.28pm - with SECONDS to spare the van was put back in. We meet another FIT as fuck bloke. Serious consideration is now being put into moving to Thame. Tim picks us up after a prolonged wait and a good bitch about other Thame dwellers - it was about 25 degrees and people were walking around in Ugg boots and black coats and scalfs.. why?!?
8pm - after a shower and sorting out the mattress on the floor, me and Newton went for an indian at Chutneys. We practically snorted lines of popodom such was the need to eat them, mixed with a line of mango chutney. If I had had a syringe I would probably have injected some of mint yoghurt into a vein too.
8.35pm - the meal is served. With a pubic hair on my plate. Unhappy face appears. Pubic hair plate disappears. New non curlys plate arrives. Happy face returns.
9pm - we ordered desert. I asked for chocolate moouse expecting a nice fluffy chocolatey treat. The waiter couldn't say moouse so he confirmed my order to be a chocolate mouse. I said ok.. see what happens.
9.05pm - chocolate ice cream arrives. Whilst I was relived it wasn't a chocolate dipped rodent, it also wasn't what I had ordered so there was a mixture of emotions here.
9.30pm- off home where I collapsed. Long day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)