Well it has been a while to be fair so I did need an update!! We have been on many adventures since my last update and things like presents and Christmas trees have appeared!!
Just a quick interjection here.. how fuckin boring is Bette Midler??! She's on the Royal Variety thing right now and I am seriously loosing the will to live.. Anywhooo... I have another reason to update this actually.. to distract me from the searing, harpooning, shocking and sight blurring paid that is epilation.. I mean seriously WHY is wrenching18 tiny hair at the same time from a small patch of skin with a handheld machine so painfull??? And HOW does Carpy manage to do it on her underarms?? I mean really.. She has balls of steel!
Back to adventures, there was an epic adventure with Bambi and Vicky the other day for Kentucky!! That was awesome and the kiddnapping was just brilliant.. I won't elaborate.. that's between us and the wind..... But the best set of adventures so far without doubt is the car rides to the caves! It all started maybe last week when Gem decided we should go for a McFlurry run and end up at the caves.. little did I know the caves consisted of a GIANT morselleum (I really don't think that's spelt right, so we will blame the dyslexia!) and a grave yard with a church...
SO there we were.. just us two.. alone.. in a car whose security measures I seriously question.. debating whether to get out the car. After a much needed fag and a bit of shitting of ourselves.. we got out!!! And Gem and me.. the two most afraid of the dark and ghosts people ever.. ventured into the graveyard to walk between the graves.. why???? Well I don't know to be honest!!!! AND THEN!!! When we got alll the way around and went through the most darkest piece of woodland there has ever been in the history of dark folliege.. a beam of light, so bright my corneas shreaked with pain.. bathed us both.. we looked like deers in headlights about to be kidnapped by aliens.. I have absolutely no shame in confirming we grabbed a hold of each other and clinged to the other persons clothing until we reached the gate and realised it wasn't a space shit or a vortex for the dead.. but instead a car of lesbians!!
The cave adventures got a little spacey the next time around.. there may have been some other things involved that perhaps made my mind wander a little bit... or at least by approximately 67 seconds behind the rest of everyone elses!! But I tell you that made walking through the pitch black woods that extra bit weird.. I could NOT tell for the life of me if I was dreaming or awake.. And for one very particular spot I truely belived I was part of the film The Blair Witch because from absolutely no where Vicky (who joined on this most amazing car drive), SCREAMED (I think...) "wheres the path???!!!!!" ... well freaked me the fuck out. Where was thepath??! Am I awake?? Who is with us?? What do we do if we can't get back???!!!
I started to sober up a little bit on the country car ride.. which I don't remember to be honest.. but was awake and very blurry eyed in time for the kebab van man who had THE most hilarious accent.. serkously you had to be there but the way he BARKED "ONNIIOOOOONS???" to this poor unsuspecting kebab wanting individual was the most funny thing I've ever heard.. me and Gem were literally having a wee behind the van and we just left poor Vicky to giggle and continue waiting for the chips.... for which there were MANY. That was the largest box of chips cheese and mayonnaise I have ever seen in my life.. and quite frankly.. because I was starving by that point.. the best meal I have ever experienced.. until the following day when the cheese seemed to want to make a rather rapid exit.......
Ahhhh good times though!! The tree is up wooohooooo and it is beautiful.. so so pretty. Doug is doing well! Vicky said to be the other week that he was proper fat.. I was like no he isn't!! He is just big boned, he's a big lad!!!! I was going to take proper offence until I read his food bag that said "300 days of food" and realised I'd used half of it in two months.. so I was wrong, he's not big boned at all, he is a rate fat bugger!!!! Morbidly obese?? I THINK SO!! I told him today he was going to stay with Aunty Gemma for 8 days.. I took his opened mouth, kaola bear ears and sneezing as confirmation he was excited!
Well my avid fans I must be away to my bed.. I have epilated one half of one leg and have decided it simply isn't worth it!! So I will be spray tanned hairy.. I don't mind!! Anywho folks, the next update will probably be on Monday when I am on my way to my mummys for Christmas WOOOOHHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Have an amazing rest of the week.. see you later aligator x x x
No comments:
Post a Comment