Such soft skin

I have fallen for everything Apricot Scrub. My skin is majorly soft which is a blessing in this hard water area.. I wonder if I can take it with me when travelling?

I was looking on the green gheko website today at the stuff they want people to bring with them, and they ask for as many metal nit combs as possible... yikes. I'm going to get nits!!! I reckon in the long run though it might be ok :) life changing experience I presume.

I was just also looking over my blog a few days ago where I was pancking about my interview. I have 100% made the right decision - I clearly am not ready to go back to uni yet when I have these major desires to go travel.

I'm sat here in my towel at the moment, letting my hair dry in the most outrageous style so I best go and sort that out soon.. but I'm itching to book my ticket. SO afraid though that I won't have the money to cope once I am over there, and once I am over there I will have no one to rely on to get some urgent money over to me.

Give me 10 minutes, let me relook at finances :) I could save £600 by not booking a tour with STA travel around Laos and Vietnam.. but I also don't want to get really friggin lost and it is a perfect way to meet new like minded traveller type folk. Hmm dilemma... give me 10 mins!!

At the flip of a coin..

And at the consultation of my 4 best friends (5 if you count me talking to myself whilst looking at a bottle of Acai Berri vodka.. for vodka is my friend..) at 6.30am this morning I made a HUGE life changing decision. It went something like this...

6.30am - wake up on my own because forgot alarm
6.43am - exit the shower and pull on pants and a bra
6.44am - call Craig. "Craig crisis I don't think I want to go to uni yet!!"
7.00am - call Vicky. "Vicky doesn't it make sense I go travel first and then come back??"
7.13am - call Mum. "O my god mum what do I do???"
7.30am - call Vicky. "you want me to flip a coin?? what is heads? ok, heads travel - OMG IT LANDED ON HEADS SHIT NOW WHAT??! TRAVEL?? Shit ok I need to ring Craig".
7.36am - call Craig. Answerphone. Bastard.
7.37am - call Newton. Answerphone. Cow.
7.40am - call Mum. "decision made!!!"

So.. I logged on to the my emails, emailed the Uni to tell them I wasn't attending my interview today for a place on their midwifery course and logged on to STA Travel. 8.03am - Newton calls.. "WHAT?!" hehe. By 10am I had decided where I wanted to go and when. I spoke to the most gorgeous sounding bloke called Sam and he sorted everything out for me!! So... he I can raise another £7k by July my plans look a bit like this...

29th June fly from Heathrow to Bangkok, viaDubai
30th June arrive in Bangkok and go explore for a few days
3rd July do this tour but the other way around, so leaving Thailand first and ending in Vietnam http://www.statravel.co.uk/cps/rde/xchg/uk_division_web_live/hs.xsl/tour-detail.htm?provider=23&tourId=AVVL&backto=results&region=AS&country=TH&duration=14-28&budget=medium&page=2
3rd August arrive in Vietnam and make my way over to Cambodia
5th August HOPEFULLY have a place here! http://www.greengeckoproject.org/
25th November travel over from Cambodia to Kular Lumpar
30th November fly to Melbourne!
1st December I am met by a team who will put me up for 7 nights, set me up a bank account and get me an Aussie mobile and set me up with a recruitment agency!
1st March travel around up to Cairnes and back
30th June fly out of Sydney to come home

I need £7k though. I have applied for a £14k loan so that I can put £4k asside for a years worth of repayments and take £10k out with me. I have the following budget:

Flights	1100
Oz Living	4200
Melb Starter	300
Cam to Kul	600
Cam Living	1500
Thai, Vi, Laos	990
Tha Living	280
Mel to Syd	200
Visas	600

So.. yea. That is the current plan!!!

Valentines Shmalemtines

Valentines day is so shitty. It is a day to remind those who don't have a feller that you are sad and alone. I found out today that one of the lads I proper like and have had a thing with for 2 years has lied pretty much but omitting certain details.. the stupid thing is I knew it was coming.. just thought I would be told about it you know?

And to makes things even worse! I asked a guy if he wanted to do something tonight for Valentines.. and he immediately went silent. AND!!! my house mate has now put me in charge of entertaining her new boyfriend whilst she is out, and then banishing me to my room for the rest of the evening whilst he cooks her a Valentines day meal. Great.

Face it Rowlandez. You are doomed to a life of watching the soaps, eating cake whilst stroking a cat and crying.

10 days to the big City Uni interview and I'm pretty sure I'm wasting my time and money going there. I have £1.8k in savings and can save another £1k with this months wages. If I hand my notice in at the start of March, I can be gone by 1^st April and will have saved another £1k.. I can fuck off abroad of £3.8k right??? I'm sure I can get a work visa in Oz or NZ. I want to go to Melbourne quite badly.. Want to live there eventually.

Might have a cup of tea. Or an early night I guess. Do some reading on midwifery in case lol. I will be chirpier next time I blog. Promise.

I am beginning to understand the psychology of the Cornish Pasty

Oh you pastry temptress! Every time, without fail, the second I get to Birmingham New Street, regardless of the amount of luggage I have with me, I make a direct bee-line to The Pasty Shop climbing 2000 steps, grunting, most likely sweating and pushing foreigners out of my almost crack like withdrawal way. “Traditional Cornish Pasty please.. I'll have a small one and be good!”. It wasn't until today though that I really thought about the shape and consistency of a Cornish pasty and I have realised, the essence of it is remarkably similar to my own being!! I looked at this hot delicacy (which I am; Hot and a delicacy) and questioned why there were massive knots in it. I ate them and understood – the massive knots were keeping the good honest massive chunks of potato and meat inside the rest of the flimsy casing... think about it.. how much can you actually relate the consistency of this pie to yourself??

I have massive big bits about myself (physically – love handles, and emotionally – I'm a Freudian extreme).. I have “knots of pastry”.. and when these knots of me pastry are intact and not being eaten by a semi hungry but mainly just greedy person, all my good honest natural beefy potato goodness stays inside... I'm rambling. I can't really put into words what I mean but I understand it! I am a Cornish Pasty.. I'm with you!

Another thing that occurs when at Birmingham train station is I get to see what new wonders are in the council estates gardens!! Today, number 27 has a shopping trolley which has started to rust. Number 29 has its fence broken at the back, and number 33 has some new flowers in the conservatory which was erected about a year ago now.. what a difference a corner makes in the standards of living.

I've decided to spend more time with my blog this year because I can sense my constant Facebook updating is beginning to get annoying for some people. Really, I should block those people because I'm sure the people who actually want the updates appreciate them greatly and it is those I want my personal life updates to be directed at! However.. I am somewhat of a social networking exhibitionist and that is why I keep them.. Let the world of people I have no care for see the awesomeness that is me.

Spain was ace by the way! I didn't drink hardly at all.. I find it odd to drink around my family. I feel a need to be in control when I am around them. When I am out with like minded friends though, I am a complete drunken nightmare. Last time I was out, I fell flat on my arse and then back in the middle of the dance floor.. which was NOT full so I was in the open view of the entire pub. However, I am ecstatically proud to announce that my full jug of cocktail did not leak even a drop on the descent. I am magical! I did get FUCKED off my face on the first full day though. Only in the morning because I had hardly anything for breakfast and followed it quickly with 2 glasses of Cocktail Del Dai.. which I believe that day was 2 shots of rum, 2 shots of lemon sourz (or similar) and topped off with a teeeeny bit of Tango.. it was like ¾ full of alcohol and then the waiter sort of went “pucchhhhsshhh” under the drinks machine to put in the smallest bit of Tango. It was very good. I was shiiiit faced. Newton got the most random text messages like “GET ME A HOTDOG!!”... which was MENTAL because I was physically stood next to the snack bar that served them!! but demanded poor Newton FLY to Spain and get me one especially. Seriously.. nightmare drunked.

The hotel was nice! The pool was effin' freezing though. I was the only one who got in it and was the first one of the year so far I think. It hadn't been properly cleaned which is how I can assume I was the first one in.. There was a fuck off floating fly, some feathers and what I PRAY was a piece of water logged bread sat lolling at the bottom.. although there is a bit of me that is slightly certain it was more a dead animal. Let's not think about it. It also appeared to be Gods waiting room, confirmed indeed when the lift which only goes to the 10^th floor.. the last floor.. said it was on floor 25.... definitely most likely it had taken at least a few of decrepit to heaven.. I can't assume it was purely because the lift was broken because of the sheer amount of nearly dead pensioners there were there. I'd say nearly 700 of the guests were over 70... and smelt like old muff dipped in dehydrated piss.

I LOVED the plane drive as usual! It was fabbaroo. I got some beautiful shots of the sun setting over Spain and on the way back some gorgeous shots of night time Nottingham. Me and Kev turned out to be those passengers you hate! In the middle of the flight safety speech, we were just giggling and loudly whispering “do a flip!” and “juggle juggle!!”. David shat himself lol. He appears not to be a fan of flying.

Ooh just changed at Banbury and the woman I am sat next to smells uncannily like cat food. WOW just checked out her purse as well and she has well over £300 in cash!!... possible stealage..?? No.. she has put it away. Bollocks. May follow her if she gets off at Wyc but she is reading and filling in forms so I assume she is some sort of London like folk.

I've been thinking a lot about things I would do if I had a magic time altering button.. I think that is for another blog though. Now I am going to retire into my not so cosy seat on the choo choo and prepare myself for the 10 minute walk with the worlds heaviest bag to my flat. I'll seizures in little while.

Has thou offended thee?

... Oh Mighty Epilation God. Why must thou centre ones rath upon my white slash slightly tanned skin? What has one done to be punished so??

I'm on holiday on Thursday right, and there might also be the potential for a quick goodbye shag tomorrow so I figured I will epilate in preperation for both. And yet again, I have stopped half way through one leg to update one of the social networking sites I appear to not be able to live without, to complain about how much is TRUCKING hurts!!

Why?! In the age on curing HIV and having 3D TV in your own home is removing hair from ones body either a) excessively, unaccpetably expensive (lasers), b) a pointless waste of time because it grows back in 40 minutes (razors) or c) shaggingly painful??

You would think SOMEWHERE in the Amazon rainforest they would have come across of hairless tribes folk who would point and grunt in the direction of a magic plant, whose extract would kill the hair folicles.. but noooooo instead they find, breed and release giant spiders all over the show!!

So what do I do?? It is 11pm now - the machine to pluck out 15,000 hair a second is loud, I'm tired and I'm not quite sure if I'm full packed?! The answer is fuck it. I can shave the other one and a half of the leg tomorrow. Just have to get up a tad earlier. In which case I should go to sleep. See ya.

"Choose life"..

Awesome song, awesome film! But that is not what this quick Blog is about..

I just really wanted to say thank you to my friends and family. I love you all so much.

Thank you for everything you have ever done for me. I could never do enough to pay you back for making me feel it is worth it. Thank you.. and I love you xxxx

Why must we all have a master plan...?

And when I say "we" I mean just girls. Boys never want to plan anything or make commitments further then "I'll come over yours Friday maybe" on a Thursday night. The plans I want to make are ALWAYS life changing ones. I'm never, ever satisfied to know I am going to work tomorrow and that this will be the same for the rest of my life.

I think maybe it's because I haven't really experienced the big mile stones as such. I haven't got married, bought a house, had a baby. I've been engaged, I've rented a house and I've miscarried... the first 3 are all really positive and the last 3 all ended up pointless and useless.. so I guess I'm not satisfied by those events when they happen, which is why I feel no sense of security in the place I rent now, no feelings of joy that I have a couple of boys all chasing after me.. I'm trying my best to get to some place that I am not even sure I want to be.

I have chosen midwifery as my career because in some warped delusional thinking I have decided that is an easy option for me. I can't be a Doctor because I don't think I am clever enough. I can't be a nurse because I don't want to have to wipe up shit every day and whilst I appreciate that is a part of a midwifes job, at least being a midwife I know I am going to be part of something amazing at the end of it but with a nurses job.. I guess I don't know enough to know different but I see no way a nurse can be truly satisfied with being yelled at by mentally disturbed patients, ungrateful arses and taking orders from incompetent doctors.

I was going to be a teacher but then realised I really don't have the patience for an abusive teenager. But is it TRULY want I want??? What the hell DO I want??? It appears most of my friends are all settled and happy knowing they are going to be in office roles for the rest of their lives and that TRULY scares me. How, at the age of 20-25 are these people HAPPY and decided that being in the same office day in, day out is the career choice for them??? Honestly it baffles me.

Anyway.. I have been looking at houses again and trying to think about what I want. Do I want an investment property or do I want somewhere I can finally, truly and really call my own? To do up and decorate as I wish??? I think it is the latter. That house in Derbyshire is gorgeous butI don't want to live in Derbyshire. I have two more universities that haven't rejected me yet and that is City and Glasgow Cal. I have an interview with City on the 25th and still have no clue what I am going to say in it!! And Glasgow Cal haven't got back to me but have you SEEN how cheap the houses are there????

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-32305985.html Look at this. LOOK AT IT!! A 2 bed flat for £22k???? I can buy that with a friggin loan!! I wouldn't even need a mortgage!! And I could get a room mate in to pay £350 inclusive of all bills and I am pretty sure that would cover the loan payment. So.. purely for prices of housing I have all my hopes pinned on Glasgow. Well not purely the reason. I do have other reasons but that is another story eh :)

I just want another fresh start. Wipe the slate clean. Be someone new! Change my hair style, change the way I dress.. maybe even change my name!! I want to be so many things and I am petrified there isn't enough time. I'm 25 and have 80 years of experiences to have.. I want to be a beach bum! I want to travel every beach in the world. I want to see every animal on the Earth. I want to go into space! I want to be a mum. I want to write a novel. I want to own a streets worth of houses. I want to raise livestock and sell its produce in a shop next to a tea room I run. I want to run a B&B! I want to be a wife. I want to be enough for someone.. not second best/usable when needed.

I am fit to burst. I want to go and stand on the Rye in the pouring rain in the middle of the night and shout at the trees! I want to thank them for giving me oxygen and for not shouting back!! Then I want to close my eyes, lie down in the grass and feel the rain on my face and listen to the rustle of the leaves.. and just not have to think for a minute. That would be lovely.