What a Year 2012 was

Heya! This might not be the best blog in the world because I am totally distracted by the baby snoring and Mary Poppins. She looks so cute asleep... so does the baby....

Well what a completely insane year 2012 was eh. I went to the opening of the F1 in Melbourne and met my ultimate hero Jenson Button, I stood on a boat as two baby whales jumped out and played along side it, I snorkelled on the Great Barrier reef where a giant sea turtle came to swim under my legs, I went to Uluru both at sunset and at sunrise and travelled more than 48 hours on a train to get from Adelaide to Darwin. I saw St Kilda win a match at the MCG on my last day in Australia, I saw Andy Murray play Novak Djokovic in a thrilling 4.5 hour match in the Rod Laver arena, I swam in Lake McKenzie, saw crocodiles jump out the water at us to eat something, swan in the ocean with deadly box jelly fish and survived, surfed with dolphins in Byron Bay, went fishing for the first time and raced a pod of dolphins in the speed boat we took out, attempted to bungee jump, skydived and took a helicopter up to Franz Jospeh glaciar and hiked it for 4 hours where I  weaved in and out of ice caves before taking a thermically heated swim in rock pools. 

I saw the fireworks at the stroke of midnight shoot off the Sydney Harbour bridge and Sydney Opera House, I did a handstand opposite the Taj Mahal, I stood just one foot away from where Ghandi was shot and killed, I got parasites that nearly killed me, I climbed the Himalayas, I had a Fergburger! I played and spectacularly crashed on a luge in Rotarura, I zorbed twice, stood in a waterfall in Milford Sound during a storm, hiked to the top of Kings Canyon at 5am to see sunrise, saw my NZ family, stroked a wild dingo (don't do that, it was a very dangerous idea).. I did LOADS!!!

It was completely and utterly the most amazing year of my life. And this is why 2013 scares me to death. How is it possible to top that??? I'm so scared....

Resolutions. I will have to keep myself busy with them I guess...

Last Years Resolutions taken from last years blog....

1. Must learn to knit - oops...
2. Sky dive. It's been on here too many times so its being done! - DID IT!!!!
3. Go to the F1 - DID IT!!!!
4. Try an oyster... Sickening - No I can't do it, it's just too gross
5. Relearn French - I was too busy. But I have learnt to like Spanish
6. Learn and get a motorbike. This one is important - ah yes. I didn't get time to do this.
7. Be home for Christmas - achieved!!
8. Learn to fish.- done!

This years Resolutions

1. Learn to knit - it has to be done this year otherwise the world will implode. And mum bought me a starter kit. YAY!
2. Buy a house
3. Go to watch Man U at Old Trafford
4. Learn conversational Spanish
5. Go to Scotland
6. Go to Glasto
7. Doubtful but ambition is go spend 2 weeks in Egypt
8. Compete in the 3 peak challenge 

I think this is a reasonable set do you agree? What are yours?

In Search of Moo

Hullo. Sorry it's been awhile.. I am currently blogging from work because I am 100% completely bored beyond natural means. I am playing Office Communicator iSpy I am that bored but this has been interupted by my iSpy partner taking a call. I'm so bored. So very bored.

And due to a very suddent change of events, I also have ZERO motivation to do anything that resembles work because I know for this month I have no stats to worry about.. because Sir's.. as it turns out, I cannot legally work here anymore as of March 26th.

I can confirm this has put a spanner in the works and a MAJOR dent in my finances. I am right now on the brink of homelessness, joblessness and bankruptness. But I of course have a plan :D

Kinda. Basically, I wasn't going to go farming so I could stay and earn the big money here but seen as I can't anymore, and after doing an extensive and distressing search for jobs back home, I have decided to stick it out farming and come back for one more year - this way I get to clear my loan payment, save up for a flat when I get home eventually and visit Fiji and Bali - two places I was desperate to visit but couldn't cram into my schedule. Effectively I will be exchanging one more year away from friends and family in return for 10 years worth of savings in England.

It makes sense. However. Further spanner-age. I cannot for the life of me find a farming job. This is of grave concern. I need a farming job that will let me work 6-7 days a week between 26th March and 2nd July so I can get me 81 days for a valid visa.. BUT THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!

This country is completely ridiculous!!!! An Aussie can come and live in England for 2 years and do whatever they want. But an English person can only come over here for a year, work for one person for 6 months maximum, and if they want to stay a bit longer they have to go farming for 3 months in appauling conditions for very, very little pay.

I feel I may write to the Prime Minister and demand the laws are changed. I will let you know how I get on. I just had to have a rant there. It's also filled some time.. back to iSpy soon I hope.

3 Months Since I Left..

.. and almost 2 months since I have lived in Australia. Time is flying past and I like it. As much as I enjot meeting new people and what have you, I still have that longing to come home. Howvever.. as mentioned in previous posts I think it's more a yearning for my own space. I get to see a couple of apartments this week but none are available till mid October. Just got to hang on in there a little bit longer.

I was looking to switch hostels but it would appear I am in the cheapest that doesn't have rats. Buggery.

Anyway!! Let me give you fans a wee update! I started working for Origin but was so completely DICKED by my agent who got me in there I decided to leave for a job with Aus Post. And so far.. so good!! I get to set my own times to work, I get my own ledger that is just for me to control. I get to run reports and work off a timetable that I create... honestly.. it's like that episode from Friends when Monica gets her lable maker out... I AM IN ORGANISED HEAVEN!!

I am though terribly missing my new found mates at Origin. I seem to have just waltzed into the place and made.. hopefully... some friends for life. Or at least some aquaintences that I can drop in on should I ever come back travelling. "Well..!" ;-P

We went out on Friday actually and I got obscenly shit faced... and righty so because I spent $200 doing it!! I got barred from having any more shots in one bar which well fucked me off because I proper wanted to try this new one. I have found a new love thanks to Michael... vodka with brown sugar and lime.. FIT!

I met Adam, one of Greene's friends who was lovely but so has the weirdest poshest Irish accent ever! We three were watching inbetweeners back at Andrew's and I think I may have passed out because I remember watching it then waking up under a sleeping bag.. woops. Thanks though boys for not drawing on my face or anything.. can't say I would have been so good to you had the tables been turned.

In other good news, it appears to be getting warmer! I have lost my wooly hat to the mess that is the top shelf on the wardrobe but it's ok now there is sunshine. There was one hell of a storm the other day mind!! The ligthtening and thunder was extreme. LOVE a good storm.

I have found a new place to eat too and fuck ME is it nice. It is called Vegout, recommended to me by Stephen before he left. And I am full on hooked. It is basically a vegie curry house and for $8.80 you can get half a tub of rice and 2 curry types. I adore the pumpkin curry. It does me for two meals as well so its rate cheap! Iove dipping in a spinach and ricotta roll too. A thousand billion calories but who cares when it's orgasmic.

Well... I had written more but it appears the blog didn't like it so it deleted. TWAT!!! But as a last minute thought.. if those who have skype but have not added me... Tim Deering, and those who should get skype so I can call them more often.. Alistair and Vicky.. my skype name is lizrow. I am currently 10 hours ahead of you but when your clocks go back, I will be 11 hours ahead. Bare it in mind when you want to call or text me :-) that goes for you too CK. Texting at 3am my time will result in a severed penis.

To end it like TJ... have a wonderful day xx

Blog From The Plane..

Holy fup I'm on tha plane so! It was no touch and go whether I would make it this time. I was right fucking there waiting at 4am to begin check in at 12.30pm, and I was the first at the gate, holding onto the railings whilst staring at the stationary plane, praying the fudgher wouldn't disappear should I blink for too long.. which was a major possiblity given I haven't slept in what seems at least 17 years now.

I am a bit pissed to be honest. I've hardly eaten and I certainly haven't slept but I've had a few gins and tonics to celebrate the fact I manage to catch the flight without taking out my credit card again. The nice Emirates people are due to provide a snack actually.. where is my snack?! I'm peckish.

I'm also slightly delirious I think from the lack of sleep. I've been watching Michael MacIntyre's comedy road show on my own seat telly box, with massive headphones covering my mini ears, with the volume turned to the max because once again, I'm sat next to the twatting engine, giggling to myself like a complete nob. SQD you will know.. you know when we are all sat there nice and quiet listening to our calls, when suddenly, usually listening to one of Alistair's calls, I burst out laughing so loudly people jump?? That is the current scenario on the plane. Australian people are staring at the pissed, huge under eye bagged English girl who smells of yesterday's old clothes.. with come caution. The older ones look a lil afraid..

OMG there is a girl sat next to me though with the smallest feet on earth. She is like foot elf or something. It creeps me out where she fits them into the little storage flap on the chair infront. Shouldn't be allowed. I'm scared.

Oh fuck they just turned off the lights. It can't be bed time though, it's ten to eight and I haven't had my baguette snack dammit!! I'm going to have to go and punch a nicely dressed member of staff that speaks Korean in the face and demand a nicely dressed chicken sandwich and another gin.. brb.

KLIA: Welcome to My Fuck Awful Day

So. I'm not in Australia. I am in KL international airport sulking on a freezing cold floor, blogging through a snotty stuffed up nose from crying because I am a complete and utter absolute useless, fucking dickhead nobscratching twat head.

I missed my flight.. because I am all of the above. I read that the flight takes 7.5 hours.. so somewhere in my head that meant I was leaving at 7.30. Why?? I have no bastard clue. My flight left at 3.30pm and I arrived at the airport a pleasant hour and 15 minutes later. I casually looked at the board, figured my flight wasn't on there yet because I was nice and early. Had a lovely sit down, a bit of a people watch. Then it dawned on me.. how if my flight is at 7.30pm will I arrive at 1.05am in Australia if they are an hour ahead? I tried to do the maths which was really difficult given my retardation, and slowly but surely every muscle tensed and my pupils enlarged. Brain kicks the legs into gear and begins to panic slap my face for me.. “run bear.. run right now to Customer Services. Oh and lie. Tell them there was a traffic jam”.

So I did as my brain told me to. Lied through my teeth. Cried genuine but slightly more dramatic than necessary tears to get them to waive the flight fee. They did not. I paid £400 for a new flight which STA won't cover, which Emirates won't waive and which the shitey pointless insurance company refuse to pay. I was given the option of going home as well for an extra £200. I was in such a state that I actually gasped for air inbetween each word: “can.. you.. tell.. me.. how.. much.. Manchester.. is pleeeeease??” *huge massive gulping sob.*

Now I have 17 hours to kill in the airport. And I'm cold and tired. I am sat at what appears to be the only plug socket in the airport on the cold marble floor which of course means that I will no doubt get a terrible cold from sitting here too long which will lower my immune system and then I will get malaria. I will be taken to hospital via a helicopter which will of course crash in the bush and will then wake up being eaten alive by tarantulas. As is my luck I will survive but with hideous facial scaring and no hands, and live in a nursing home that stinks of wee for the rest of my pointless, handless and, due to face hideousness, sexless life. Ahhhh..... sigh.

At least there was one semi funny incident. My taxi driver seemed a bit obsessed with me. He kept asking me questions about my family and family life in England. He was completely bemused by the idea that my biological father is a cock and won't talk to me/bother attempting to get in contact, and can't understand why the lads have difficulty getting jobs in rich Eng-er-landski. After a proper barrage of questions came an awkward silence so I bombarded him with some. “Are you married and have kids?” And like it was oh so very normal, he proudly announces “yes TWO!” “two kids?” I asked. “No, no. 5 kids 2 wife.” I was totally shocked! SO I asked if they knew about each other and lived in the same house, and again, like I was asking a really dumb arse questions he replies “my, no. The wives know of each other but they do not like each other. They quarrel”. Apparently the kids don't even like each other and he can marry another 2 women if he fancies!! Crazy Muslim laws.

Right I'm going to go. I have purchased puzzle books to make the hours go faster and I need something fizzy. I'm not sure I can move my arse though.. being underwearless on a cold floor really creeps under the arse cheeks :-/ So.. HOPEFULLY.. maybe... blog from Aus. Or the bush once the helicopter has crashed. It will take me awhile to type with my nose though once my hands have been mauled off so expect an update in around 7 weeks.

Ta-ra.

Damn Studio Catalogue

I did something a bit weird and gross today - I stole the housemates Studio catalogue out of the bin. I couldn't believe she just threw it away!! But she hates Christmas which I simply can't understand.

However, as soon as I stole it I realised I won't be here for Christmas. I had plans for this Christmas such as being in my own house, decorating the shit out of it and having my family over for an epic Christmas eve buffet, a MASSIVE Christmas dinner with at least seventy thousand After Eights, turkey butties for supper, and another Boxing day buffet with left over dinner, sausage rolls and salmon baps.

I wanted not just my huge tree that I already own, but I wanted little mini trees in every room and a to buy a special Christmas dinner set. Thinking about all these things made me quite upset.

So I've just read the Studio catalogue (can you say read when all you did was look at the pictures??) and saw the Christmas stuff I'd love to buy like a father christmas and snowman door mat, and a father christmas toilet seat cover.

I'm also going to miss giving my family presents. I actually live for buying presents!!! And the weather is important too. People complain about the snow and the cold but for me.. the colder it gets the closer it is to Christmas so I really quite enjoy it.

Christmas in Oz will be very weird. Have to admit.. I'm not looking forward to it.. :-/

Spend £300 but save £378 sooo.. win?

Hello Sunday lovers, how are you? I'm super awesome thanks for asking!! (said in a Gay Al way)

Over the last week I have had a good ol' think-a-roo. I ordered a rucksack, sensed it wouldn't work for me so sent it back. Ordered a camera and realised it was more like a fancy toy than a camera (mainly jealousy that Craig's is fancier than mine), so sent that back too. I have swapped bank accounts too so I have better chance of getting a loan and had a think about my ticket.. why have I paid for a return from Sydney to Manchester if I have NO intention of returning in a years time??

So today I have called STA travel and cancelled my ticket. Had to pay £150.00 cancellation fee which was a bit of a twat but I got a £305 refund! Got a £31 refund for my rucksack and a £42 refund for my camera. In return I bought a new, more suitable.. but very pink :( rucksack, a new funky camera that is just like Craigys, a travel adapter and my Oz visa :D REALLY hope that comes through.. I will be MIFFED if it doesn't.

So that is planned so far!! Leaving Kuala Lumpar a bit earlier though which is a shame but.. ho hum. Means I start looking for work in Oz sooner and with it coming up to Christmas I will be more likely to get a Chrimbo job somewhere. Ooh I've also applied to Pizza Hut (in England) for some waitress experience and extra dollar to support the travel fundage.

Also... had a wee think about getting my motorbike license whilst I'm out in Oz.. HOW EPIC WOULD THAT BE?!??! And may look at getting my PADI in Vietnam where it is cheap as chips.

Any more ideas of what I should do are greatly appreciated :)

HAPPY SUNDAY BOYS AND GIRLS!! IT'S NEARLY SPRING!!

Valentines Shmalemtines

Valentines day is so shitty. It is a day to remind those who don't have a feller that you are sad and alone. I found out today that one of the lads I proper like and have had a thing with for 2 years has lied pretty much but omitting certain details.. the stupid thing is I knew it was coming.. just thought I would be told about it you know?

And to makes things even worse! I asked a guy if he wanted to do something tonight for Valentines.. and he immediately went silent. AND!!! my house mate has now put me in charge of entertaining her new boyfriend whilst she is out, and then banishing me to my room for the rest of the evening whilst he cooks her a Valentines day meal. Great.

Face it Rowlandez. You are doomed to a life of watching the soaps, eating cake whilst stroking a cat and crying.

10 days to the big City Uni interview and I'm pretty sure I'm wasting my time and money going there. I have £1.8k in savings and can save another £1k with this months wages. If I hand my notice in at the start of March, I can be gone by 1^st April and will have saved another £1k.. I can fuck off abroad of £3.8k right??? I'm sure I can get a work visa in Oz or NZ. I want to go to Melbourne quite badly.. Want to live there eventually.

Might have a cup of tea. Or an early night I guess. Do some reading on midwifery in case lol. I will be chirpier next time I blog. Promise.