Driving License, Job, Volunteering, and... 100 POSTS!

Oh SO much has happened and I have been SO busy I haven't had time to update. So here it is!!

Driving Test
I FRIGGING WELL PASSED!!!! I can't believe it!! Particularly because twice I noticed I had accidentally gone nearly 8 miles over the speed limit!! But I did it.. 2 minors and I am FREE to go driving :D And she told me the most mental story whilst we were driving. I told her about pervo last driving instructor and she told me about a case that went to court. According to her apparently this instructor took the hand of his 18 year old female pupil and put it square on his crotch. The girl complained and the matter was taken to court. His defense was "he put a carrot in his pocket as a practical joke" but apparently it wasn't - he had a mega hard on!! I was absolutely shocked and laughed so hard I nearly put the car in the bushes. Well subsequently I googled it and the test lady got the story completely wrong. Click here to read it as its still a bit seedy!

Car
I gots me a car!!! It's a wee red corsa 1.2 and I have been all over in it. I went on one random drive that wasn't very random as it turned out.. I felt the urge to just not go home and ended up in Staveley. Woooo lol.. all 5 minutes down the road :D still.. Also major embarrassment. I went up a multistory car park for the first time the other day which was all good and all fine. But when it came time to leave I realised on the last exit point to go down, I had left my bloody ticket in the boot!! So I had to stop the car mid ramp, get out barefoot (because I can't drive in shoes), run to the boot and grabbed a ticket. A queue was forming behind me so I moved quick and nearly went through the barriers!! It then gets worse.. I  lean out the window and put my ticket in. "Not Valid" the machine said. "Fuck off machine" I said. Tried again.. same message. So I pressed the "help" button. Man comes on and I explain its not accepting my ticket. He says "make sure the arrow is facing upwards".. so I said "Arrow?!?! There are two arrows?!"... he says... "excuse me??"..... it then dawns. I have picked up the wrong fucking ticket out of the boot. I stuttered and said "eerrrr.. erm... hang on". At this point there are around 5 cars behind me. It gets SO much worse......

I had driven up so close to the ticket machine I couldn't open my door. I tried but my arse is larger than 4cm so it just wasn't happening. So in full view of the CCTV and of the 5 cars behind with all their passengers, I had to CRAWL onto the passengers side, get out of the car that way, RUN to the boot, rummage through a million shopping bags to find the ticket, CRAWL back into my car, then forget to close the twatting passengers side because I was so flustered, CRAWL BACK over to close it, sit back down, pull my seat forward so I could reach the pedals, put the ticket in aaaaaannndd.... stall. Just as the barrier is coming down I restart the engine and speed off... clipping a curb. Fuuuccckking nightmare. But oh well, bad experiences make you appreciate the good ones more! Apparently...

Job
Well in my last update I told you about the fastest promotion in history.. well the job doesn't seem to be coming to fruition. They sent my "offer letter" AFTER it had expired and they haven't even acknowledged receipt of it or told me when the centre opens or sorted me out any training. So instead I kept looking for work and the day after I passed my test I got a job interview for a carer with the only requirement being a driving license. They were so keen I got the job on the spot, on the highest rate of pay they offer and tomorrow I am doing my moving and handling course. Awoop!! I will let you know how that goes.

Volunteering
I am going to be a volunteer at a very well known and respected company that give advice to those that need it. I'm not sure I can say the companies name or anything because it would be giving away my identity and what not.. but think how good that will look on the CV and on my personal statement for university!! It's all coming together.

The Gym
Well in prep for the Three Peaks and because I have decided I am morbidly obese - the car door incident evidence enough - I have finally joined the gym. The first day was full on shite. They have set me this programme which apparently I can't change - very frustrating - but it made my heart pound SO much that I nearly threw up. Recently though I have noticed myself getting very dizzy even when sitting down, feeling quite nauseous and when I have gone to check my pulse a couple of times, it's been so faint I can't feel it! So today we have dug out the blood pressure machine and on three separate readings, my pulse registered between 63-68, and my blood pressure was 95/65, 98/53 and 94/54 and just now as I am writing I did it again, and its 96/52... that is bloody low is it not??? I read it might have something to do with dehydration so I am going to try and make a point of drinking 2 litres of water of the next couple of days and see what happens.

Glastonbury
Two weeks today!!

100 posts!!!!!!!!
It is indeed my 100th post!!! A lot of thought, effort, emotion and dreams have gone into my blog posts and really the only reason I keep doing them is because guys ask for them so you are up to date with my ongoings and because most of the time they make you laugh.

Thank you so much for reading them and for always being so nice with your comments. You have helped me make decisions and comforted me when the posts have been on my "down" days. Having mild bipolar can be really hard some times and pretty epic others lol. Today and this week.. maybe even this month has all been a "up day" and updating positive things is really good sign. But anyway.. .thank you for reading 100 articles on ME! hehe.

That's all folks.. I have to finish this last assignment now :) cheerio.

Things That Are New

Night View From New House

Include the following, in headings because I have been the worldest most wankest regular blogger... soz. Alright, like our favourite ITV XFactor and I'm A Celeb presenters... "In NO particular order.. except some of it so it flows nicely..."

New Job!
FINALLY. After 6 weeks of applications, of applying WAY to much foundation because the light in the upstairs attic bedroom was insufficient and turning up to agencies interviews with patches of extremely orange skin, and of lying down dreaming of my dream house watching back to back episodes of Location Location Location.. I have found a job! I am now a telephone negotiator for for a company in Sheffield and I think it is going to be pretty easy to get on with. I am really looking forward to being quite dominate in the stats and they have recently introduced service quality auditing and don't have a service quality department yet. HELLO RUNNING OWN DEPARTMENT!! That could be useful to set me up if I got that opportunity. I'd love that!

New House!

Morning View From New House

As the job is in Sheffield and my mum lives in Chesterfield, it was going to cost £360 in petrol just to get to work!! So to save a wee bit of money I have decided instead to just live near work and what an absolute IDEAL situation presented itself. On spareroom.com I saw an advert for what looked like a nice house with all bills included 10 minutes away from work, pop up. It was only £320 a month so I popped down to view it and ooooooooh.... NICE doesn't come close. The garden is stunning, it has a pond with actual fish in it, all the rooms are tiled nicely with underfloor heating.. oooooohhhh, and the view from my room.. ooooohhhhhh! The new housemate John is a dream to live with too - he lkes James Herbert!!Just like me! Score.

New Stitches!

Stitches Day One

I have had a biopsy and I have stitches for the very first time! I discovered a very very dark mole on my side and thought responsibly to go and have that checked out. I also discovered ages ago a lump on my head which I had checked out too. Immediately referred to the hospital, the lovely Dr Lady excavated my mole on my back without giving me a second to think about it, and made an emergency appointment the following week to have the lump removed.

Wound care for the back stitches has been pretty crap. The dressing was making me uber mega itchy so I didn't dress it. And where it said "clean with cotton bud and salty warm water", I tookt this to mean "rub soap into it during daily shower vigourously". The end result is a missing stitch, a rash and ample bruising. Whoopsy?

The lump removal though, different story. Iwasbrickingit.Com.Au/didntwantitdone. Mum came with me, this was only yesterday by the way, and rather than do the whole "you'll be ok, don't worry", she did what only mine and possible Russell Howard's mum would do and constantly under her breath sang the Jaws theme tune.. and mentioned that she could hear drills and solicitors talking about medical negligence.. and said I wouldn't be able to wash my hair for weeks and would be a greasy and grotesquely swollen outcast. So when I went into the room, my imagination was on overdrive. I know full well rationally speaking that there was a lovely Dr who wore a visor to keep everywhere sterile, and I know the two nurses were absolutely lovely and were very nice.

But in my head, the Dr was wearning a death mask to keep her eyes clear from the artery she was going to sever. And the nurses were holding massive meat clevers and a chainsaw. And they were circling me, coming closer and wearing thick black hooded robes. And the room wasn't lovely and white and clean, it was black with orange lava free flowing down the walls and onto the floor they were levitating above which meant I had no means of escape unless I wanted to melt my legs off.

Stitches Day Seven

The death Dr opened her robe to swallow me hole and start the process when a beaming, shining, rescuing angel (the treatment spot light they use for closer looks) decended and the Dr gasped. She said "oh, that looks normal today. Hmm, that probably doesn't need to come off. Oh well you're hear now" - and in that instant, I threw off the heavy chains they had shackled me with, used my wrist ice power spray to cool the lava floor, ninja kicked the chainsaw out of nurse Hatchett's hand and said "NO BITCH, IF IT DON'T NEED DOING I AIN'T BEING DONE!! GO BACK TO HELL, EVIL BEAST!!!!" (please note this is an elaboration, I do not have ice power despite being bitten by a white tail spider during a cold night, and I actually said "oh well if you don't think it needs to be done then I don't mind just leaving it if you are happy to do so?")

And I skipped out of the hospital through a sunny field filled with lavendar to a rainbow where my unicorn was waiting!! (please note this is also an elaboration, I do not have a unicorn and actually I ran to my step dads corsa knocking over people with crutches because it was pelting it down with rain).

New Competition and Bingo Addiction!
Just what every child dreams of having for Christmas! A habit that makes them penniless and sweaty. Seriously I cannot stop. I have just today broken even from being in a profit by £20.00. It's OK though. I shall win back my money in prizes from winning competitions... or as I like to call them.. PRESENTS! I LOVE presents!!! But if any of you would like to be equally as addicted, I have links, a voucher code and I can get you AT LEAST an extra £25 to play with on top of a £10 top up.. you know you want to... come on. Come join me....

New Blog!
I have made a new blog! And I haven't updated it for awhile because I have been so busy doing the above, but it is http://yayteatime.blogspot.com You will find it very informative, sometimes amusing, definitely easy to follow. It is mainly recipes I have stolen from the Internet I won't lie but unless you are a mega chef or a new food item is invented like a crossbred lamb with a mango, how are you supposed to make a new recipe!! But keep your eyes out for it and share it across the world for all to see because I will be putting up some Christmas specific ones next weekend.... also what would that be called? Manglamb? Lamango? Lambang?... 

Latest Picture Of Me, and What I Think A Lamb Crossed With A Mango Would Look Like

Annnnd I think that's about it. I will update you next Sunday I absolutely promise. Be good! And come play binnngoooooo.............