Things That Are New

Night View From New House

Include the following, in headings because I have been the worldest most wankest regular blogger... soz. Alright, like our favourite ITV XFactor and I'm A Celeb presenters... "In NO particular order.. except some of it so it flows nicely..."

New Job!
FINALLY. After 6 weeks of applications, of applying WAY to much foundation because the light in the upstairs attic bedroom was insufficient and turning up to agencies interviews with patches of extremely orange skin, and of lying down dreaming of my dream house watching back to back episodes of Location Location Location.. I have found a job! I am now a telephone negotiator for for a company in Sheffield and I think it is going to be pretty easy to get on with. I am really looking forward to being quite dominate in the stats and they have recently introduced service quality auditing and don't have a service quality department yet. HELLO RUNNING OWN DEPARTMENT!! That could be useful to set me up if I got that opportunity. I'd love that!

New House!

Morning View From New House

As the job is in Sheffield and my mum lives in Chesterfield, it was going to cost £360 in petrol just to get to work!! So to save a wee bit of money I have decided instead to just live near work and what an absolute IDEAL situation presented itself. On spareroom.com I saw an advert for what looked like a nice house with all bills included 10 minutes away from work, pop up. It was only £320 a month so I popped down to view it and ooooooooh.... NICE doesn't come close. The garden is stunning, it has a pond with actual fish in it, all the rooms are tiled nicely with underfloor heating.. oooooohhhh, and the view from my room.. ooooohhhhhh! The new housemate John is a dream to live with too - he lkes James Herbert!!Just like me! Score.

New Stitches!

Stitches Day One

I have had a biopsy and I have stitches for the very first time! I discovered a very very dark mole on my side and thought responsibly to go and have that checked out. I also discovered ages ago a lump on my head which I had checked out too. Immediately referred to the hospital, the lovely Dr Lady excavated my mole on my back without giving me a second to think about it, and made an emergency appointment the following week to have the lump removed.

Wound care for the back stitches has been pretty crap. The dressing was making me uber mega itchy so I didn't dress it. And where it said "clean with cotton bud and salty warm water", I tookt this to mean "rub soap into it during daily shower vigourously". The end result is a missing stitch, a rash and ample bruising. Whoopsy?

The lump removal though, different story. Iwasbrickingit.Com.Au/didntwantitdone. Mum came with me, this was only yesterday by the way, and rather than do the whole "you'll be ok, don't worry", she did what only mine and possible Russell Howard's mum would do and constantly under her breath sang the Jaws theme tune.. and mentioned that she could hear drills and solicitors talking about medical negligence.. and said I wouldn't be able to wash my hair for weeks and would be a greasy and grotesquely swollen outcast. So when I went into the room, my imagination was on overdrive. I know full well rationally speaking that there was a lovely Dr who wore a visor to keep everywhere sterile, and I know the two nurses were absolutely lovely and were very nice.

But in my head, the Dr was wearning a death mask to keep her eyes clear from the artery she was going to sever. And the nurses were holding massive meat clevers and a chainsaw. And they were circling me, coming closer and wearing thick black hooded robes. And the room wasn't lovely and white and clean, it was black with orange lava free flowing down the walls and onto the floor they were levitating above which meant I had no means of escape unless I wanted to melt my legs off.

Stitches Day Seven

The death Dr opened her robe to swallow me hole and start the process when a beaming, shining, rescuing angel (the treatment spot light they use for closer looks) decended and the Dr gasped. She said "oh, that looks normal today. Hmm, that probably doesn't need to come off. Oh well you're hear now" - and in that instant, I threw off the heavy chains they had shackled me with, used my wrist ice power spray to cool the lava floor, ninja kicked the chainsaw out of nurse Hatchett's hand and said "NO BITCH, IF IT DON'T NEED DOING I AIN'T BEING DONE!! GO BACK TO HELL, EVIL BEAST!!!!" (please note this is an elaboration, I do not have ice power despite being bitten by a white tail spider during a cold night, and I actually said "oh well if you don't think it needs to be done then I don't mind just leaving it if you are happy to do so?")

And I skipped out of the hospital through a sunny field filled with lavendar to a rainbow where my unicorn was waiting!! (please note this is also an elaboration, I do not have a unicorn and actually I ran to my step dads corsa knocking over people with crutches because it was pelting it down with rain).

New Competition and Bingo Addiction!
Just what every child dreams of having for Christmas! A habit that makes them penniless and sweaty. Seriously I cannot stop. I have just today broken even from being in a profit by £20.00. It's OK though. I shall win back my money in prizes from winning competitions... or as I like to call them.. PRESENTS! I LOVE presents!!! But if any of you would like to be equally as addicted, I have links, a voucher code and I can get you AT LEAST an extra £25 to play with on top of a £10 top up.. you know you want to... come on. Come join me....

New Blog!
I have made a new blog! And I haven't updated it for awhile because I have been so busy doing the above, but it is http://yayteatime.blogspot.com You will find it very informative, sometimes amusing, definitely easy to follow. It is mainly recipes I have stolen from the Internet I won't lie but unless you are a mega chef or a new food item is invented like a crossbred lamb with a mango, how are you supposed to make a new recipe!! But keep your eyes out for it and share it across the world for all to see because I will be putting up some Christmas specific ones next weekend.... also what would that be called? Manglamb? Lamango? Lambang?... 

Latest Picture Of Me, and What I Think A Lamb Crossed With A Mango Would Look Like

Annnnd I think that's about it. I will update you next Sunday I absolutely promise. Be good! And come play binnngoooooo.............