Attacking Life

I really feel like life has had a really strong, oppressive hold over me lately. Or maybe rather not a hold but more I feel I have been in a box, lying down on my back and the ceiling of the box has been pushing into me. I have tried to push it upwards and off me but it just hasn't budged much, and even when it has it has come back down on me.

It's all to do with work. I feel I have been suffocated by it. I make plans to do things for myself like going for a bike ride, a swim, a session in the gym, making some soup or a nice meal that doesn't mean stabbing some plastic and putting in the microwave.. but there has been NO TIME.

If I'm not IN work then I am taking calls from work. If I am not taking calls then I am writing down all the things I need to do for work when I am back in, or I am doing some distance learning training.

And it's not just work but it's money too. I have a nice car, a nice living room and bedroom which I have recently decorated and I have been on holiday twice this year but it has put my just over £13,200 in debt. Now I am clearing this at say £900 a month which is fantastic but it has only been this month that I have cut up my cards... and it was then my light bulb moment happened and I realised I HAD to start attacking life and taking it back from the ceiling that was crushing me.

I have cut up the credit cards and set a budget that I have absolutely no option but to stick to because I have no credit to fall back on, and I have made it clear to everyone at work.. I AM NOT doing overtime that doesn't suit me.

I work 40 hours a week as the manager of a mental health unit, 5 days a week and I NEED that break. So I am having it. I will swim every morning. I will starting trying to run on my shin splints again every dog walk, I will cycle every evening, I will do my house jobs every Saturday and I will only spend 2 hours on a Sunday organising my to do list for the next week.

Just writing it makes me feel so much free-er and I can feel myself pushing off the ceiling and revealing a window with trees and rose bushes outside it. I can see light!!!!!

I'm going to eat healthily and enjoy my food again. I will stop going up in weight because all I had time for was McDonalds and I will stop getting headaches and being sick because some days I didn't even get chance to go to McDonald's so I just starved.

In ONE YEAR I want to be so happy it's infectious, so healthy people comment on my looks, and debt free!!

IM GOING TO ATTACK THE SHIT OUT OF LIFE!!!! YEEEEHHHAAWWWWW!!

Camping, Dog, Jumbone, Damaged Car

So I gave Nanook a Jumbone on the last evening, figuring if I was having a treat then he should too. And man did he appreciate it!! He snatched, which he never does unless it's GOOD stuff, went to lie down opposite the tent, just enough away so as to be in eye sight but no where near enough close that I could reach out and take the precious Jumbone, and I'm telling you that dog went to town. He was making grunting noises that reminded me of perhaps a whale feasting on giant seal after months and months of frozen sea trekking. He chewed and he grunted and he swallowed and he growled with pleasure. And then I got my treat out. 

Id just made a lovely warm cup of hot chocolate and I considered my treat options. Chocolate biscuits or Dairy Milk Oreo bar?? To be honest the decision didn't take all too long and in my head that question actually went "chocolate biscuits or Da-" and then the decision was made. So I gently, like in the adverts almost seductively, like this chocolate bar was going to be in for a bloody good night of gentle spanking and silky bondage, caressed the outside of the smooth bar. I felt the perfectly square nobbles of chocolate underneath, aching for their release. I carefully followed the easy unpacking instructions and pulled the paper seems apart. I felt like I was unpopping the shirt buttons of Sean Bean such was my excitement. 

And there it was. Slutty, tantalising, beautiful Orea stuffed chocolate. I broke a length off. And that's when the romance ended. And I ended up with a dent on my car. 

Nanook, with his selectively astounding hearing, had heard the rather erotic unveiling of what should have been MY guilty pleasure. His Jumbone which had served him so well was now officially defunct. It all happened in slow mo. As I opened the top layer and snapped off the length that would have been at least a meals worth of calories, I had a huge open mouthed "yay" expression on my face. At the same time, Nanook with ALL of his force, who also happened to be mid lick of his Jumbone, LAUNCHED the Jumbone towards the car. As my "yay" face looked up to great a flying, top lip flapping, ears pinned back with G-force, pupils so dilated they were totally black, wolf, the Jumbone, in equal amounts of slow motion, went hurtling through the air.

It made a "whooomppp-whooomppp" noise as it tumbled through oxygen particles, parting like the Red Sea in a direct line to my car door. And as my face began to droop to a "nooooooo" face, and Nanook has successfully made his way over to the tent, skidding on all fours to come to an abrupt mouth open half, he pawed me straight in the eye to beg for the chocolate, and the Jumbone made a rather loud "clunk" noise as it rocketed off the paint work. 

In summary, Nanook got his chocolate, my car is now damaged, and I have learnt Jumbones are not only a tasty dog treat, but also a weapon.   

There Was An Incident With A Sneeze

Oh troops - I have been SO busy with work but my goodness I love it so much. But that's a blog for another day.. today's brief update after a period of absence is focused on one particular event that I have been meaning to tell you about for over two months. Let me set the scene and give you some background.....

At the gym I go to, there is a lovely long pool that does classes etc. So one particular Monday I decided I would go to Aquacise and have a wee swim before hand and after as my version of a warm up and cool down. My swimming costume is one that has shorts and is an all in one thing - very professional swimmer looking I must say. I had my swim and my class and felt fantastic! So I went to get changed to go to work.

Upstairs from the pool is a members only spa that has the likes of a sauna, steam room, aromatherapy room and complimentary blinky blonky music. As a member and as a treat for working hard in the pool, I decided before I got changed to have a sit down in the aromatherapy room.

Now... reverting back ever so quickly to the swimming costume, as some of you might have experienced, when you do a lot of movement in water whilst wearing a swimming costume, water tends to... gather... in what I am going to refer to as... the "gusset" area.... I am aware of this. Starkly so. So before I get to the spa, I will look coyly over my left shoulder.. and then coooyly over the right shoulder.. and I walk up the stairs like a crab.

The crab like lunge movements help to shift the build up of water before I get to the spa, so that when I sit down, a load of water doesn't pour down my legs which can be embarrassing when you have to explain to the person next to you that you haven't in fact just pissed yourself. But on this one particular day, I looked coyly over the left.. and I looked cooooyly over the right... and there was a man. With angel wings, glowing in a silky smooth muscled way, floating harps hovering above his head playing the sweetest tune I have ever heard. I knew for a fact that me, the slightly plump drowned rat had pretty much NO chance of having my wicked way with him in the mop cupboard next to the lockers but when there is a 0.001% of a chance, that my friends is still a chance so I smiled sweetly, complimented him on his lovely harps and wings, and proceeded to walk up the stairs without bending my knees. Which on reflection probably made my chances 0.000001%.. but oh well it was better that splashing him in the face.

But I think you can see where I might be going with this tale. I get to the spa and the "gusset" area is still very much full. And my knees and calves are trembling with the strain of walking up stairs with no bending. Harp boy had gone back into the gym. There were a few people milling about in the spa so I glide in a shuffling feet way into the aromatherapy room and let out a sigh.. safe to empty the gusset. And then a woman appeared in the hazy cloud of aroma that was escaping out of the open door.

Me: Oh hi
Her: Hello. Have you been swimming
Me: Yes it was lovely, you?
Her: Yes. Time to relax I think.

Taking my cue to shut up and close the door, I did so and sat directly opposite her because that's how the room is laid out. Knowing what will happen when I do sit down, I sat down INCREDIBLY GENTLY. Almost no water came out. Phew I thought..... but then.... a tickling feeling in the back of throat.. Alarmed I tried to gulp in air but it was so thick it made it worse. The tickling spread to the back of my nose and the tip of it began to spasm. Oh.. Dear.. Christ.. I'm going to sneeze. Nothing will stop this sneeze now. This sneeze is happening.

I must have alarmed the woman because her eyes mirrored mine. Mine had started to open very wide, my pupils dilated so much so my whole eyes must have looked black.. my mouth was open and my right leg had begun to leave the floor in an attempt to cross them.. my right hand in slow mo moving towards my face to catch the sneeze...

And then it came. A stomach crunching, body folding, knees to the face, rib cage imbedded into the spine sneeze flew from my nose. The pressure on the gusset area was finally too much and just for a moment.. time stopped. The blinky blonky music had slowed down to a groaning "errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" which was only just audible above my "chooooooooooooooo" whilst the woman sat wide eyed, mouth open staring directly at the largest free flowing stream of gusset water anyone has ever had the misfortune to see.. coming straight at her.

If the situation had been different, the water in slow mo sparkled beautifully under the multicoloured LED lights. It's shimmering whilst it twisted with beautiful perfect droplets leaving the mother ship spray fell quietly to the floor, in no way represented the true horror and tension around it. Time then sped up as the arcing stream curved in the air and made a B-Line for the woman's thigh, only for it to slow back down as it splashed onto her, sending tiny water particles back up into the air, dispersed across this womans own swimming costume.

The slow mo time freeze ended when the last droplet bounced off her thigh and onto the tip of her nose. I was still doubled over, right leg at a perfect right angle having not quite made it across the left leg, my right hand covering my whole lower face so only my black disc shaped eyes were visible. The woman didn't move. Her mouth was still open, the droplet still hung from her nose, her eyes flickered though thoughts of ending it all because nothing could bring her back from the horror of this moment.. Eyes still down and mouth still open, with her tongue and twitching cheek muscles she managed to say "... blessth eww......"

I silently uncurled my body, stood up and said "... thanks.." before quite literally running away to work.

Bad times.

Iceland for New Year anyone?

Hallo hvernig ert pu - that's Icelandic for hello how are you? I have Glasto coming up, then starting a new job on 3rd July, the Three Peaks on 12th July and in the mean time, I have CAB volunteering to do! It's all go.. and I am secretly considering giving up CAB already because I'm not sure how I will fit it in to be honest. And that's because I plan on doing some serious overtime at the new place.. Because I want to go to Iceland for 6 days for New Year.. and it is EXPENSIVE.

I have some serious things to tick off my list - if you have a look at the tab above "Bucket List" you will see I have many things to get done. Iceland is one of them. However, I had not anticipated just HOW expensive it is going to be. BUT I WANT YOU TO COME WITH ME!! So to justify the MASSIVE price tag... which is £1700.. I have itemised what I would do there... Click on the bold word to go to the website for more information...

Train to Manchester Airport - £40 return
Flights with EasyJet - £188 return
Transfers to hostel - £25 return
Hostel - £102 Food for trip - £300
Souvenirs - £100
Whale and Lagoon trip - £70
New Year - £100 (drinks)
Northern Lights trip x 2 - £50
Volcano hike - £200
Glacier hike - £122
Musher with huskies for the day - £238
Brewery tour - £25

So what do you think??? Want to come with me and do some stuff that you might not ever get to do again??!!The volcano hike sounds AMAZING. You get to climb INSIDE a volcano!!!!! And as for the musher experience, you spend a day learning how to control the dogs and then take them out for a ride into the Icelandic countryside :D

I am almost SURE I am going to do it, especially if I get compensation from Commonwealth bank so please come with me.. trip of a life time!!!

Driving License, Job, Volunteering, and... 100 POSTS!

Oh SO much has happened and I have been SO busy I haven't had time to update. So here it is!!

Driving Test
I FRIGGING WELL PASSED!!!! I can't believe it!! Particularly because twice I noticed I had accidentally gone nearly 8 miles over the speed limit!! But I did it.. 2 minors and I am FREE to go driving :D And she told me the most mental story whilst we were driving. I told her about pervo last driving instructor and she told me about a case that went to court. According to her apparently this instructor took the hand of his 18 year old female pupil and put it square on his crotch. The girl complained and the matter was taken to court. His defense was "he put a carrot in his pocket as a practical joke" but apparently it wasn't - he had a mega hard on!! I was absolutely shocked and laughed so hard I nearly put the car in the bushes. Well subsequently I googled it and the test lady got the story completely wrong. Click here to read it as its still a bit seedy!

Car
I gots me a car!!! It's a wee red corsa 1.2 and I have been all over in it. I went on one random drive that wasn't very random as it turned out.. I felt the urge to just not go home and ended up in Staveley. Woooo lol.. all 5 minutes down the road :D still.. Also major embarrassment. I went up a multistory car park for the first time the other day which was all good and all fine. But when it came time to leave I realised on the last exit point to go down, I had left my bloody ticket in the boot!! So I had to stop the car mid ramp, get out barefoot (because I can't drive in shoes), run to the boot and grabbed a ticket. A queue was forming behind me so I moved quick and nearly went through the barriers!! It then gets worse.. I  lean out the window and put my ticket in. "Not Valid" the machine said. "Fuck off machine" I said. Tried again.. same message. So I pressed the "help" button. Man comes on and I explain its not accepting my ticket. He says "make sure the arrow is facing upwards".. so I said "Arrow?!?! There are two arrows?!"... he says... "excuse me??"..... it then dawns. I have picked up the wrong fucking ticket out of the boot. I stuttered and said "eerrrr.. erm... hang on". At this point there are around 5 cars behind me. It gets SO much worse......

I had driven up so close to the ticket machine I couldn't open my door. I tried but my arse is larger than 4cm so it just wasn't happening. So in full view of the CCTV and of the 5 cars behind with all their passengers, I had to CRAWL onto the passengers side, get out of the car that way, RUN to the boot, rummage through a million shopping bags to find the ticket, CRAWL back into my car, then forget to close the twatting passengers side because I was so flustered, CRAWL BACK over to close it, sit back down, pull my seat forward so I could reach the pedals, put the ticket in aaaaaannndd.... stall. Just as the barrier is coming down I restart the engine and speed off... clipping a curb. Fuuuccckking nightmare. But oh well, bad experiences make you appreciate the good ones more! Apparently...

Job
Well in my last update I told you about the fastest promotion in history.. well the job doesn't seem to be coming to fruition. They sent my "offer letter" AFTER it had expired and they haven't even acknowledged receipt of it or told me when the centre opens or sorted me out any training. So instead I kept looking for work and the day after I passed my test I got a job interview for a carer with the only requirement being a driving license. They were so keen I got the job on the spot, on the highest rate of pay they offer and tomorrow I am doing my moving and handling course. Awoop!! I will let you know how that goes.

Volunteering
I am going to be a volunteer at a very well known and respected company that give advice to those that need it. I'm not sure I can say the companies name or anything because it would be giving away my identity and what not.. but think how good that will look on the CV and on my personal statement for university!! It's all coming together.

The Gym
Well in prep for the Three Peaks and because I have decided I am morbidly obese - the car door incident evidence enough - I have finally joined the gym. The first day was full on shite. They have set me this programme which apparently I can't change - very frustrating - but it made my heart pound SO much that I nearly threw up. Recently though I have noticed myself getting very dizzy even when sitting down, feeling quite nauseous and when I have gone to check my pulse a couple of times, it's been so faint I can't feel it! So today we have dug out the blood pressure machine and on three separate readings, my pulse registered between 63-68, and my blood pressure was 95/65, 98/53 and 94/54 and just now as I am writing I did it again, and its 96/52... that is bloody low is it not??? I read it might have something to do with dehydration so I am going to try and make a point of drinking 2 litres of water of the next couple of days and see what happens.

Glastonbury
Two weeks today!!

100 posts!!!!!!!!
It is indeed my 100th post!!! A lot of thought, effort, emotion and dreams have gone into my blog posts and really the only reason I keep doing them is because guys ask for them so you are up to date with my ongoings and because most of the time they make you laugh.

Thank you so much for reading them and for always being so nice with your comments. You have helped me make decisions and comforted me when the posts have been on my "down" days. Having mild bipolar can be really hard some times and pretty epic others lol. Today and this week.. maybe even this month has all been a "up day" and updating positive things is really good sign. But anyway.. .thank you for reading 100 articles on ME! hehe.

That's all folks.. I have to finish this last assignment now :) cheerio.

Choosing To Be Selfish Over a Family

Good afternoon Sunday readers. How was your day? What did Sunday do for you?

I've been thinking, as is Sunday tradition. Do you realise just HOW MUCH there is to see and do in this world??? There is Africa, Canada, America, South America, Asia, Middle East, the Northern Lights, the pyramids, Europe, the Maldives.....

How will I find time to see all these things, have a career and have a family?? The only solution I can see is not have a family... And whilst I get my broody moments I think a selfish life as a backpacker is the one I want.

I don't want to be a mum at 45. But I don't want to be a mum now or the next 5 years with so much she wants to do but can't anymore. I don't want to resent my child.

It might be a very short blog.. but it was a very difficult one to write. And the same time almost a relief that I think I have made my choice. See you soon Africa...........

The Car Dilemma

Good evening - I'm having a dilemma. The car test is scarily soon and I am looking at buying my very first car the day I pass... if I pass!!! But what sort of car should I get? Here are the options...

The One Year Car

• Cheap (£500) run around that will last a year. 
• Tax £120ish
• Insurance £1200ish
• Not that big a deal if I prang it because I will just scrap it therefore keeping NCB

The Four Year Car

• Costs £2000 and will last 4 years
• Tax £35
• Insurance £1000ish
• Could be a bit of an arse if I prang it because I will have to get it fixed, so will lose NCB

Overall, if I have no accidents what so ever then the 4 year car is much cheaper in the long run. And it would be so much nicer to drive a newer car. But equally it could be very expensive insurance wise if I do prang it. 

What should I do based on your experiences???